OVERHEARD IN A BROOKLYN BAR

OVERHEARD IN A BROOKLYN BAR

Narrator: You know, every time I go to a bar in Brooklyn, weird things happen. I’m not kidding. Don’t misunderstand me: I love Brooklyn. But Brooklyn bars, man, I don’t know. It’s just…weird. The people in them seem somehow different than when I was growing up. More peculiar. Let me give you a few examples. I had just got off my stool at the bar late one night and was heading for the men’s room and some guy and some chick got into it. So I delayed my trip to the men’s room to listen.

Woman: Why are you staring at me?

Man: Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. It’s just that-

It’s just that I’m Asian and you thought you could get away with staring at an Asian woman but you wouldn’t dare do that with a Western woman, right? Because we Asian women are subservient and docile and mousey and wouldn’t dare speak up or demand an explanation right?

Well, no, it’s not like that. I-

So just what is it like then?

Well, I was just wondering about your ethnic background.

My ethnic background?

Well, yes, I mean you’re obviously an Asian woman but I was just thinking you look more East Asian than Southeast Asian.

Oh, is that right? So in addition to staring at Asian women you can tell where they are from. Just from one long, lascivious stare. So, go ahead. Enlighten me.

Well, I mean if I’m right and you are East Asian it means you must be Chinese, Korean or Japanese. And since you don’t appear to be Japanese that leaves Chinese or Korean.

Very good. So which is it?

Well, I would guess Chinese?

OK, not bad. Is that it? The best you can narrow it down?

If you don’t mind I think I can narrow it down a bit more.

Really? So go ahead, Sherlock, narrow it down.

Well, I would guess your ancestors were mainland Chinese of Hakka descent and most likely during the civil war in the 1950’s they fought with Chiang Kai-shek and your uncle was killed by a communist grenade during the battle of Huaihai. As the communists advanced, on December 5^th, 1949, they boarded an aircraft and fled Chengdu for Taiwan. And your grandparents were just kids then and grew up in Taiwan and also your parents grew up there and then they had you there. I would guess your grandparents were born in Fujian province, in a small village outside the town of Minchou, and you still have relatives there who speak the Hakka dialect and although you can speak Hakka you now speak perfect mandarin but with a Taiwan accent.

(She stares at him for several seconds. Then moves closer to him.)

And just how the hell do you know all that about me!

(He takes flowers out of his bag and holds them out.)

Well, it’s because today is our first wedding anniversary, remember?

Sweetheart! You remembered!

(She embraces him and they kiss passionately)

I love you so much!

You know I’m crazy about you!

(With arms around one another, they move off stage.)

Narrator: You see what I mean?