Thailand Nightlife Roundup
Hot enough for you this year? I first arrived in Bangkok in March during the Vietnam War and ended up in the Seventh Day Adventist Hospital with some kind of sunstroke. The first of a few. And of course April is even worse. Wasn't it? Anyway, welcome to my website. In case you're new, you might care to know that the purpose of this site is to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere. And to have some fun.
Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)
There is a contest every two weeks on the 1st and the 15th and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive a free book written by myself and other prizes such as free food and drink from Larry's Dive, The Londoner and Bourbon Street Cafe. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting. (contest below)
You'd like to see a picture of a pretty Thai girl in a Vietnamese Ao-dai (with no bra) from the opening of the Titanium Club on soi 22, wouldn't you? Sure you would. So click on her cleavage and enjoy the picture.
Breaking News: The electrical fire at Nana was early in the morning and by now all is well and your favorite lady is waiting for you. Don't disappoint her.
Dave the Rave, (former) manager of Carousel Bars, he who supplies interesting tidbits to columns such as this, has been let go if you can believe it! After all the hard work he did to promote the Hollywood Carousel & Hollywood Strip, he was told his services were no longer needed. Ah, well, there is a happy ending. Matt and Pim of Angel Witch immediately hired him as manager. So it seems Dave's life has been on a carousel lately but he came out of it fine. Best of luck to him in his new position.
Went to the opening of Rainbow One at Nana on the 3rd. So crowded even though I knew Stephen Leather was there I couldn't see him. Some lovely, lovely women dancing there. Loved it! It should become one of my favorite hangouts. Some of the lovely ladies from Hollywood Strip moved over to Rainbow One to follow Mamasan Ann who has left Hollywood Strip to go to Rainbow One. (Does this remind anyone of the Hollywood wars between talent agencies??)
Don't forget I'll be signing THE GO GO DANCER WHO STOLE MY VIAGRA & OTHER POETIC TRAGEDIES OF THAILAND at the Texas Lone Star Saloon, Washington Square, soi 22, 18 June, Saturday, from 2:30 to 4:00 p.m. I'll have past titles as well and books will be sold at a discount. Free lunch begins at three o'clock. And of course the lovely Lone Star ladies, always sweet, always virginal, will be in attendance.
In the works: a joint signing/fun night at Angel Witch with Stephen Leather and Yours Truly.
Had a tour of Boss Hogg's new Champagne Club next to Bully's and I have to say I was very impressed. Great decor, friendly women and they were beautiful. Not open yet when I was there so I guess they were getting instructions. All hostesses will be college girls or from other upmarket clubs and the prices will be extremely reasonable. Check it out. Sukhumvit, below soi 4, next to Bully's Pub.
Tried out Rainbow 4 recently. Not bad but so much rain must have kept some of the dancers from making it to Nana Plaza. There was a dancer in the men's room at the mirror which of course those of us used to Bangkok's unisex hongnams are used to by now. But there was a ladies room also. So not sure why she needed to be there and yes it was definitely a woman. Whatever.
I found out the other day one has to be very careful when joking with an Essarn girl in a bar. I like to tell them about how with their youth and beauty they could, if they wanted, get a handsome young businessman and end up in a beautiful home with lots of money in the bank. But then I tell them, naw, that’s not the life for them. When they ask me what exactly is the life for them, I tell them they should be married to an older man, a writer perhaps, no beautiful home and not so much in the bank but a really fulfilling life (not financially, of course). A man like me.
Well, a friend called me the other day. It seems his wife and a bargirl I joked around with (when I brought her to my apartment for a night) take English classes together. According to what this girl told his wife, I had asked her to marry me and she was mulling it over. So, there is a lesson to be learned here: Don’t get too cute. I know one bar I shall be staying out of for a while.
Did you see the good news in the papers recently? Not only is there Viagra, Cialis and Levitra to cure your erectile disfunction but now there is a new drug to cure your premature ejaculation. It's called "dapoxetine" and in trials it worked very well. OK, so now you have whatever you need to function well but you still have to find the women. But if that's your problem it means you don't live in Thailand so that's your own damn fault. And there is no drug for cluelessness.
As for the silly rumors about Viagra making a guy go blind, they are just rumors. And, anyway, who cares about sight as long as we can get an erection, right?
Can you believe this? A friend who speaks Thai fluently was at Baccara on Soi Cowboy and fancied one of the young dancers on the glass floor up above. When he eventually called her over, she named a price of 5,000 baht for all night. He said he didn't have that kind of money and she politely suggested he go to Nana Plaza where he might find girls willing to go for 1,500 baht. Soi Cowboy?! Five thousand baht?! If I'm not mistaken you can blame the free-spending Japanese for this state of affairs.
Here in Thailand movies are sometimes censored if they are deemed to be too sexy. I don’t know if they are censored if they are too violent. But when I lived in Hong Kong, it wasn’t merely the censors who censored the films, it was also the distributors. Because they wanted five showings a day so they could include all the ads. And they got away with cutting them. Their cuts plus the censors’ cuts left us with nothing worth watching. Thailand cinemas have an incredible number of ads but I don’t know if, along with the heavy hand of the censor, the heavy hand of the distributor is at work in the Land of Smiles or not. Thank the gods for new technologies. Although I am getting addicted to “sweet popcorn.”
The five owners of the new Titanium Bar on soi 22 are aiming for those of us a bit jaded with the go go scene. The girls are dressed in Vietnamese Ao-dai's (pronounced, I think, Ao-dzai, but who cares?) but without a bra thereby showing a bit of tempting cleavage. There is an all-girl band (Unicorn) which begins about 9 in the evening, there is an upstairs freezing room for Vodka in which the girls get a coat to wear (you don't). Ten below I think they said. Speaking of ten, it takes ten drinks or about 1800 baht to get a girl out. Although, once she has had ten drinks, what use would she be to anyone? The all-girl band is not bad but would be sexier I think in short skirts and at least mid-heels rather than the jeans and T-shirts I saw them in. The place has been nicely designed by Robert Corley's Total Concept company. Their official opening party was Friday 27 May. My drinks were free but I got a bit drunk on Vodka and beer and if memory serves I spent a fortune on a few beautiful lasses there. And they do have some good looking women in there, fo shore.
The lovely lass who came over to me said her name was So. I resisted comebacks like "So what?" and asked what it meant in English. She pointed to a coke bottle and said "soda." So her nickname comes from So of soda. Right. OK. Whatever.
Anyway, I hope the new concept pays off as it's always nice to have creative people about. So far I've met Peter, Chris and Robin. I hope to meet the other two partners soon.
Speaking of Chris, Chris Byrd is running Larry's Dive now. Nice fellow with lots of interesting plans for the place. And the Tiger beer girl there who begins work at six is a knockout! As Trink would say, mosey over and check her out.
You just knew I would have to comment on this one, didn’t you? Two years ago, prostitution was legalized in Germany and brothel owners – who must pay tax and employee health insurance – were granted access to official databases of job seekers. A 25-year-old, unemployed waitress was called and offered a job providing “sexual services” in a brothel but turned it down. But by the laws of Germany, any woman under 55 who has been unemployed for more than a year must take an available job or lose her unemployment benefit. Therefore, her unemployment benefits will be cut.
What can one say? German logic. Teutonic steadfastness. It kind of reminds me of the go go bars in Thailand in which a girl must have X number of lady’s drinks from customers per month or else she makes less. This German situation might sound fine from a punter’s point of view. But think for a minute: would you really want to go to bed with a woman who hates her job and is only with you to keep her unemployment benefits? Oh, well, to fornicate or not to fornicate; that is the question.
“Sins of the mind are far greater than sins of the flesh.”
(The above saying is perfect for when you are caught in the act by your wife or girlfriend; no guarantee you will get off lightly, though, even assuming she understands the quote.)
So I sez to Whore House Charlie, I sez, “Charlie, I uploaded some stuff up to my Front Page Thailand website but I didn’t connect it up yet.” Charlie sez, “Right, you didn’t publish it to the web yet.” I sez to Charlie: “But you say if my computer crashes the stuff I uploaded to my site will not be affected though, right?” So Charlie sez, “Right, it’s not in your computer anymore.” So I sez, “Well, if it’s not out on the web yet and it ain’t on my computer anymore, so where the hell is it?” Charlie, he sez, “If it was up your ass you’d know where it was.” That Charlie. He sure does know his computers.
I knew it would happen one day. I bought a pack of condoms at the drugstore near soi cowboy and, as usual, the owner let me leave the box there so I could slip the three condoms from the pack into my pocket. And, of course, I forgot about them. Then, next morning at Villa Market on Sukhumvit, when the sweet and lovely cashier smiled and told me how much my Granola without raisins would cost, I pulled money from my pocket and there with the bills was one of the condoms. I hastily shoved it back in but when I looked up at the girl, she was smiling at me as if to say: “Don’t worry, I’ve been around the block a few times myself and seen it all before. But it’s nice to know a man of your age can still get it up.” Still, I think I blushed, which, as we all know, is but an erection of the entire head.
Reminder: Hollywood Two at Nana has changed its name to Hollywood Strip, so the big one is Hollywood Carousel and the little one is Hollywood Strip. But those of you with drug-free memories remember that from a previous column, right?
Second Reminder: Your Guarantee. Please remember that when you buy a Dean Barrett book you have an iron-clad guarantee that a percentage of any and all sales will go to Charity. Charity AKA Virgin Valdez works in an Angeles City bar in the Philippines and in case you’ve been punting about Bangkok for so long that you’ve forgotten that Filipinas can be cute too, here is a picture of Angeles City girls.
The program I use for this website is Front Page and the host is a company called ICDSoft. I recently received this e-mail from them:
“We at ICDSoft are truly saddened by the loss of so many lives due to the earthquake and the following natural disasters in Southeast Asia and Africa. In a humble effort to relieve the economical losses of the people affected by that catastrophe, we have decided to donate one year of hosting service to all our current customers from these geographical regions. Your hosting account and domain registration for deanbarrettthailand.com have been extended with one year…Best Regards, ICDSoft Management.”
So, you see? There are some nice people in business, after all.
OK, name your biggest fear while living in Thailand. That’s right: you worry that while traveling in remote areas outside Bangkok you won’t know where the bars are and which ones are best. Well, allay those fears because from time to time this column will provide information on the nightlife scene in remote areas of the Kingdom. For example, if, for whatever reason, you find yourself stranded in Nakorn Phanom, and want a bit of nightlife fun, you’d need to know about the Dance Arena with its live music and of course the Duck Pub with its band and hot, scantily-clad female dancers. You’d certainly pay a visit to Tawana “Peua Chee-weet” bar with its loud Thai country music and food; the Raintree where lovely ladies gather; and perhaps most popular of all, the Ohio, where still more lovely ladies gather. OK? So now you can travel into the deepest Northeast areas knowing full well what lies ahead.
I was a bit tired of the 600-baht bar fine and so I decided to teach some of the girls at Nana Plaza a lesson. I decided I would go there and pretend I wanted to take them out for a casual stay but when they said the barfine was 600 baht, I would be outraged, and make sure they and the mamasan knew exactly why I wasn’t taking them. I tried it out in Hollywood Strip the other night. Alas, when touching and seeing those soft, supple, curvaceous, succulent, gorgeous, smiling creatures, especially when they sat on my lap and smiled at me, I lost my will power and ended up barfining not one but two. Whatever happened to my will power?
No wonder I hear so many stories of guys coming to Bangkok and spending hundreds of thousands of dollars in a year and ending up broke. Still, it’s a lot better way to lose money than to lose it in the stock market.
Ever been to the Bus Stop? The restaurant on Sukhumvit soi 4? I like the girls there and their Indo-Malay-Singaporean dress is very becoming on them. But here is something that has happened to me twice in a row: when I ate there I asked for Pad Thai Gai but was told they have no chicken. So I asked for Singapore noodles instead and was asked if I wanted it with pork or chicken. I quite naturally said I thought she said they had no chicken. She quite mystifyingly said they have chicken with Singapore noodles but not with the Pad Thai Gai. Hmmm.
So there she is, the ultimate go go dancer. Hope you picked up a copy of the book by now. It's in Bangkok bookstores and should be in American bookstores by now (or they can order it). The book is also available on Amazon.com. Just click on the cover and watch her get real big.
Guess what? There's a second table-top/lap-dance bar in Pattaya. It's called the "Beach Club" and it is located off Walking Street on Soi 15. It was packed. So is the "Shark Club." This table dance trend is quite popular now and should will remain so for awhile because the only clubs that can have table-dance/lap-dance entertainment are those clubs that are lucky enough to have high ceilings. Most clubs do not have high enough ceilings and tearing out the ceiling is not cost effective.
I Can't Make This Stuff Up Dept: In the news is an item lamenting the
fact that in Thailand "budget shortfalls at prisons nationwide have forced some
female prisoners to go without underwear." Now you know what gift to bring
your favorite female prisoner. The report also says that women normally
receive two pieces of underwear a year and women receive an additional 10
sanitary napkins, but no brassieres are provided. Relatives eventually
stop showing up so a truck caravan to distribute bars and panties to women
inmates is now on the road. I could go on but reports like this make the mind
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Got feedback to this column? Got information on Thailand you would like to share? Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise? Been ripped off? Just write me at email@example.com.
That's all for this fortnightly column. Drop by again. Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie, you, GI, you number one!"
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OK, here’s the new contest. If you are the first to name the author of either of the quotes below, you win food/drink vouchers at the Londoner Pub, Larry’s Dive and Bourbon Street Café totaling 2,000 baht. Plus one of my books. Both quotes come from well known crime fiction writers in the classic mode of Chandler and Hammett. The first quote is the ending of the book (which was made into a film) and the second quote is from the beginning of a book. Good luck! But if no one gets it the prize in 15 days becomes 4,000 baht worth of food/drink, etc.
“His eyes were closed. A whisper came from somewhere, saying, you can try. The least you can do is try. Then he heard the sound. It was warm and sweet and it came from a piano. That’s fine piano, he thought. Who’s playing that? He opened his eyes. He saw his fingers caressing the keyboard.”
“I’d gotten out of my car and was running for the porch when I saw her. She was peering through the curtains of the door, and a flash of lightning lit up the dark glass for an instant, framing her face like a picture. And it wasn’t a pretty picture, by any means; she was about as far from being a raving beauty as I was. But something about it kind of got me. I tripped over a crack, and almost went sprawling. When I looked up again she was gone, and the curtains were motionless.”