SHE CUT OUT MY HEART & STOMPED ON IT
You got to understand. I've lived in
Pattaya, Thailand off and on for three and half years. I must have met
hundreds of sweet young things. I even thought I was in love with one.
Well, at least I had made a commitment to her to settle down with only her and
eventually marry her. After about a year of dating we moved in a condo
together. It lasted about two months because she wanted me to build a
house on her land in Loi. I told her, "No way." And she said,
"Goodbye." I wasn't that heartbroken because her five-year-old daughter was
spoiled beyond belief and the daughter and I just didn't get along. I was
not going to be responsible for the kid turning out to be a teenage delinquent.
So, I started the short-time routine again. It felt sort of good to be free again. Especially since I liked horizontal folk dancing. After a few months of that, I met another sweet young thing and one thing led to another and the next thing I knew was that I woke up one morning and I was married to her. A year later I was divorced from her because she wanted a younger, richer man with hair. Ha! She regretted her decision to get the divorce but I was free again and didn't want to go back to arguing and fighting everyday.
So, I started the short-time routine again and I loved it even more this time because I had changed and seem to be getting younger rather than older. I bought a wig and started to dress like a teenager. It sounds foolish but the girls liked it. One of my girlfriends was in my condo one afternoon, after a session of horizontal folk dancing, and she noticed a photo of my thirty-something-year old son. She said that he looked older than I did . She is a sweet, young and innocent Thai beauty and had no idea what she had said. I think. Any way, I loved it. My ego soared.
So, a couple of nights ago, I was at my favorite watering hole when across the crowed room a new girl who was working in the bar as a hostess looked at me. She had eyes that took my breath away. I fell instantly in love. Yes, Sir. I was smitten. She was talking with some falang at the bar and she had her back to me but she was almost constantly turning around to look directly at me. Just me. There were a lot of people in the bar. It was crowded but she was definitely looking at me. Her eyes stole my heart and my brain. I instantly went temporarily insane. I was in love.
I got a call on my mobile phone from a friend and they wanted me to come to the Internet Cafe right away because a couple of Uzbekistanis needed my help. My friend thought that I could help them. So, I felt that I have to take care of my friends and I waved goodbye to the love of my life that I had just seen and had not even had the chance to talk with. She gave me the saddest look you have ever seen when I waved goodbye to her. My heart was hurting. I was in love.
It was early morning after I went to the Internet Cafe and worked out the problems with these two Uzbekistani guys. So, I went back to my condo and thought about the hostess with the mostest at my favorite watering hole. I could see her eyes and smile in my mind. I went to sleep thinking about her. I was in love for sure.
It's amazing how these things happen. One day you are the international playboy and the next day you are in love and ready and willing to give up everything for a girl that smiled at you from across a crowded bar a couple of times and you didn't even speak to her. Yes, Sir. I was definitely in love.
I was planning to go back to the bar that very next night and meet the love of my life. I could not get her out of my mind. I was thinking all kinds of thoughts. I was making all kinds of plans. Yes, Sir. I was in love.
I woke up the next morning and found out from a neighbor that the bars were closed for the next two nights because of the elections. My heart was yearning for this beautiful girl that I had met the night before and now I find out that I won't be able to meet for two nights and one whole day. I thought about her every hour, it seemed like. I would concentrate on remembering her eyes and smile. I loved closing my eyes and thinking of her eyes and then she would smile at me. Just me. Nobody else. Yes, Sir. I was definitely in love.
I woke up on the day the bars would be open. I've never been to this bar on Walking Street in Pattaya when it first opens. I was guessing that it probably opened about 7 or 8 in the evening, which was perfect for my busy schedule. I put on my best shirt and marched down to the bar. As I approached the bar, I looked for her in the distance. There were no customers and only two or three hostesses at the bar. Two of the girls where walking around the bar and neither one was the love of my life. The third girl was behind a large pole that held up the roof. As I got closer to the bar I looked at the third girl and she wasn't my girl. I was so disappointed. My girl was not there yet.
I looked across the bar and on the other side of the bar next to a wall was a table with a couple of bar stools and there she was. My heart began to beat a little faster. I moved toward her table and she saw me coming and she looked into my eyes and gave me a big smile like she was so glad to see me. I normally am not at a loss for words but this time I was absolutely speechless. I sat down on the bar stool and looked into her eyes and smiled. She was eating Thai food in a bowl. She kept smiling and eating and looking at me now and then. I was sort of shy. Her eyes were so beautifully intense. I could hardly stand staring at her so much. I had to look away now and then but I was so in love that I was constantly looking into her eyes. Every second, I was falling deeper and deeper in love with the woman. Her hair, her eyes, her smile, her clothes, her smell, her everything had me falling deeper in love. I was temporarily insane.
I asked her name and she said, "Lee." That was the most beautiful name that I had ever heard for such a beautiful girl. And, yes, she was all girl and then some. It was her hypnotic eyes that got me or maybe it was her flashing smile. Maybe it was her hair or her body or the combination that made me fall in love.
I asked her a few more questions and she asked me a few more questions and finally I asked her if this bar even allowed the hostesses to pay a bar fine and leave for the evening. She had only been there two days and had only been in Pattaya six days. So, she didn't know if I could pay the bar fine. I asked the mamasan and she said 250 Baht. I instantly gave her the money and we were off for a walk. I just wanted to get somewhere where we could talk. The music at the beer bar was a little too loud to carry on a meaningful conversation as important as this one. This was my first conversation with the love of my life.
We walked out of Walking Street to Second Road and hopped on a Baht bus and road in silence to the Royal Garden Shopping Plaza. I called ahead and found out that one of my falang friends was there so I made arrangements to meet him. I was so anxious to have him meet the love of my life. We met and talked and he was telling me of his problems. It was a pleasant little conversation but I didn't want to bore the love of my life so I suggested that we go see a movie. But on the way to the movie she got a phone call and said that her girlfriend was in Pattaya from her village and wanted to meet her. I said no problem. "Let's go."
She smiled and we walked out to Beach Road and started to walk toward Walking Street and she seemed a little stressed. She smiled at me and looked into my eyes and told me that she wanted to meet her girlfriend alone because she didn't want to lose face because she had been in Pattaya for only a few days and it would not look good to have a falang with her so soon. That made perfectly good sense to me. So, I suggested that she go meet her girlfriend and I was going to the Internet Cafe to check on my investments in the stock market. I told her that after that I was going to go back to my favorite beer bar and listen to music and she was free to do whatever she wanted to do. I told her, "It's up to you." I would meet her again the next night. She agreed and off she went.
So, I understood that she was going to visit her girlfriend from her village and she would take advantage of her time off from the bar to visit with her girl friend. I was at the Internet Cafe for about about 30 minutes to an hour and after that I went to my favorite bar. Walking Street was crowded. I was only a step or two from the bar when I looked and there she was standing behind the bar. The love of my life was back at the bar. I was so confused. I had paid her bar fine and understood that she was going to visit with her girlfriend from her village. She smiled and tried to explain it all to me again. I just didn't get it. She kept smiling at me and flashing her big smile and each time I was smitten even more. Yes, Sir, I was in love.
I sat there at the bar for awhile and then I noticed the manager of the "Living Dolls Showcase" standing outside. So, I got up from my bar stool and went over to him and explained that I had paid the bar fine for this girl but she was back at the bar. So, we walked over to my favorite bar and asked the girl why was she back at the bar and not with her girlfriend.
That's when it happened. It felt like she cut out my heart and stomped on it. She spoke to him in Thai and he looked at me and said, "She doesn't want to go with you." Plain and simple. I was stunned. I was devastated. I was crushed. I was hurt. I was embarrassed. I was mortified. I was kind of angry but not really. I felt like a fool.
My friend, the manager, left and I was left sitting at the bar. She still smiled that hypnotic smile with those intense eyes but not directly at me anymore. I think she was embarrassed too . I sat there. The music was loud. The crowd was everywhere. I have never felt so . . . . . . . After awhile I picked up my drink and the bill and moved to the other side of the bar. I didn't want to be anywhere around her anymore.
The music didn't seem to make me want to dance like it usually does. I didn't want to look at the people walking past the bar because I would have to look in her direction. So, I paid the bill and left.
So, what's my point? I guess it's that we need to be careful of other people's feelings. It's one thing to enjoy horizontal folk dancing if both parties have an agreement. It's another thing if one person is thinking long term relationship and the other person is thinking short time or maybe even "no time."
Don't feel sorry for me. There are another 27,000 girls out there and I am going to have a great time with all of them. I don't know how to avoid "those eyes and that smile" though. Maybe, we don't or can't avoid them. It's inevitable. It's Mother Nature at work. Live, Love and Laugh.