THAILAND NIGHTLIFE REVIEW

 

 

Welcome to my website.  Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere.  And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)

There is a contest every month when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 4,000 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, Shadow Bar, The Old Dutch, the Big Mango, Electric Blue, The Duke of Wellington pub, Doll House and Bourbon Street Restaurant. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting.  It will double to 8,000 and, if still no winner, to 12,000, etc.  Second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt.  Third prize is an After Dark calendar.  And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).

STARTING THIS COLUMN: NEW SPECIAL BARBAR FETISH CLUB PRIZE!  SEE BELOW FOR DETAILS.

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AROUND

AND ABOUT OUR FAIR CITY

 

 

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I hadn't taken a stroll down the Sukhumvit Soi 33 lane with the Green Parrot, etc., for some time, so decided it was time.  It was a Saturday night about ten yet the soi was dead as a doornail.  So a friend and I ventured into the new place, Hookers, to see what we could see.  What we saw was a guy behind the bar and one Entertainment Provider (EP) sitting near the bar.  No customers.  So we sat down, the EP came over and I bought her a drink.  Nice looking lady, great legs, etc., but in Thai or English not really much of a conversationalist.  You know the type.  Looks but no personality.  She did point out that there were rooms upstairs and for 3300 baht everything was included.  I passed on the offer but thanked her profusely.

 

Eventually, after about 15 minutes, four more EPs entered and went upstairs to change from street clothes into outfits more appropriate for their working establishment.  When they came down, they went into a corner opened a bottle and had a good time chatting with one another - kind of like they were already home or something.   

 

Hookers is nicely laid out and, as Hemingway would describe it, a clean, well-lighted place.  An intelligent design.  But it puzzles me why anyone in their right mind would want to open yet another bar on Soi 33, especially during a time when the tourists and even locals are few and far between.  I was told the fellow who owns Spanky's bars owns this.  I didn't ask to confirm as I don't care that much about who owns what; only what the women are like.  Yeah, yeah, I know, I am an immature sexist, etc., etc., but if you care about who owns what bar go read somebody else.  I love feminine pulchritude. 

 

And, by the way, my friend recognized at least one of the girls from the Nana Plaza Spanky's. In any event, I have been to Spanky's in Nana Plaza three times and each time noticed the girls are quite good looking, a nice place.  I once ventured into the one in Patpong and noticed the girls' looks were, to be kind, embarrassing.  In my fear that one might venture over, I swilled some beer and got out.  I simply cannot understand how bars in these sois expect to make money.  The only way would be to build up a local, loyal clientele which I think is what a few bar owners understand.  Still, if you feel the urge to invest in something that is almost guaranteed to lose you money, I have a musical I want to get on Broadway.  At least, then, you can call yourself a patron of the arts. 

 

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Coyote dancers show off their hats.  And some curvaceous flesh as well.

 

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Believe it or not, there are girls who two or three times a night are barfined for casual stays AKA short time and get three or four thousand baht each time.  I have had more than one bar owner point out one of his girls getting it.  The girl is invariably good looking with great everything.  But, four thousand baht short time?!  I guess there must be some Big Spenders around.  Or some very drunk men.  Or some very stupid guys...

 

I had a very good looking lady up to my apartment not long ago.  We had a fine time and she went in to take her shower and I pointed to a hairdryer and said you can use that if you want to.  And, pointing to what is left of my hair, she said: "Oh, you need a hairdryer just for that?"  Needless to say, that is one wench who shall not darken my doorway again.

 

The Lone Star Saloon - black waterfall

 

Despite the downturn in the economy, floods, lingering red shirt AKA Taksin Rent-a-Mob problems, downturn in tourism, etc., there are a lot of optimists out there.  As I mentioned last time, there are one or two more pubs which will eventually open on Sukhumvit soi 23.  One of them is farther in and also farther from Soi Cowboy than even the Queen Victoria pub.  The Queen Victoria pub is a great spot, good food, good service, and I often go there for breakfast.  But lazy buggers that we are walking from a brightly lit Soi Cowboy over to Queen Victoria pub in the evening - a walk of about 25 seconds - seems too much for us.  But yet this new pub will be farther from Cowboy.  So why would anyone want to open there?  Especially now?  Dunno.  But I have heard it will stress golf somehow and that there are six partners.  Six!  When I was in the publishing business I could have made a lot more money if I had gone into business with two of my friends.  But I know how it is with partners and decided to remain a loner.  But six?!  I mean let's assume the pub does make some money, will it make enough to pay off the investments and future profits of six partners?  I wish them well; just happy I am not one of the six.

 

I seldom discuss or complain about beer prices but I must say some of these bars now on Cowboy and Nana seem to forget guys have alternatives.  Some of the beer prices are on the level of Manhattan beer prices, especially with the fall of the US dollar against the baht.  Some of my friends recently took the two-hour bus ride to Pattaya and raved about the beauty and friendliness of the women, the lower costs of beer and barfine, and the better attitude of the working girls compared to Bangkok.  Food for thought...

 

I read a one-paragraph article somewhere that said a Norwegian in Phuket had jumped (?) to his death in Phuket.  Yes, you read that right: Not Pattaya but Phuket.  Don't tell me the farang-falling-from-the-balcony disease has spread to Phuket!

 

Strolling down Soi Cowboy and was handed a small leaflet informing me that Club Insomnia is now open on Sukhumvit, soi 12.  "99thb drinks from 10 pm - midnight including grey goose and johnnie walker gold."  I haven't been there yet but soi 12 is where the Crepes restaurant is as well as Condoms and Cabbages as well as the Darling Massage Parlor.  So I might eventually check it out.  The Darling is far from what it used to be in the old days but the restaurants are great.

 

 

This is the sign for a new movie which the moviemakers from America placed about the Cactus bar on soi Cowboy.  "Siam Sam's" !?  Give me a fucking break!  How stupidly Hollywood can you get?  It may be for Hangover 2 but the name itself conjures up some stupid image of a yokel who has never been to Bangkok.  However, Cactus John's announcement was a classic:

 

In the next days you will see construction and a general transformation of the bar’s exterior

as it assumes and whole new look and identity – even a name change!!

 

Before the rumors start to fly, I would like to make the following declarations:

 

1)   Cactus has not been sold to another operator or owner. (Especially one that would put Kabobs on the menu..)

2)   Cactus is not joining the “Neon Wars”.

3)   Cactus is not changing its fucking name.

 

It’s just a temporary illusion created by and for Hollywood!!

 

We will be hosting a film production and the Gentleman’s club will, for a fleeting moment, be a

member of the Soi Cowboy “Glitterati”!! It’ll take a week or so for the construction to support

a few hours of filming which in turn will be, in all likelihood, a couple of moments of finished

product.

 

But, it’s more media exposure than we’ve had in a decade, so what the fuck!

 

All the action will be happening during the day and we will be humpin and bumpin’ unhindered at

night, so please do come in and bask in the aura of Hollywood which will no doubt permeate the

production!!

 

We’ll be doing our best to keep it real in the midst of the smoke and mirrors!!  And of course,

there is the historical value of having bragging rights towards having been there when they were

doin the deed!!

 

See ya soonley!!  GODDAMMITT!!!! Cheerz,  Cactus John and the Girlz

 

 

 

 

OK, now pay attention!  Because the drugstore in the photo above is located on Sukhumvit near the corner of Soi Nana and they have the cheapest price in town for Kamagra Gel.  I have found it for 100 baht and 90 baht but this store sells it for only 70 baht.  They even had mint flavor.  Of course, like me, you probably don't ever use the stuff but carry it for your friends in case they need it, right?  Had a nice chat with Dave the Rave at Angelwitch.  Angelwitch and the Rainbow bars still doing well; no surprise there.  While I was on the second balcony looking down at the square below, a ladyboy stood close by and I asked if they were planning on leaving the area as it is.  She said yes.  So there it is, nothing new planned for the space below.  So I've been told by a knowledgeable source, anyway.  Of course the Bamboo Pub is on Sukhumvit soi 3 but they do have a decent place to shoot pool, etc.  Also, you should know there is a new hotel coming up next to and above the Bookazine on Sukhumvit near soi 5.  That is why all the area is getting ready for construction.  But later in the evening as I made my way home I noticed the usual crowd of Entertainment Providers standing along the sidewalk - girls, ladyboys, Africans, etc. - so nothing has really changed.

 

I stopped in the Playskool a go go, also in Nana Plaza.  This bar I call the roller-coaster bar because over a many-year period I have seen it go up and down in the quality of the girls, etc.  This time I am pleased to say the girls were really moving and there were some very good-looking ones.  Maybe not quite the stunners of Rainbow 4 but the Rainbow 4 girls were just shuffling along on stage while the Playskool girls were really dancing.

 

I bought a drink for a really cute one who said she was 18 and used to work in an office and had been at Playskool for three months.  She was so cute I can't quite believe guys in an office could concentrate on their work with her around but then I know, I know, I was born oversexed.  Anyway, I asked her name, where she was from, etc.  She asked me nothing but kept watching the girls dance.  So, finally, in my best Thai (which isn't saying much) I told her I would teach her a few things.  First, ask the customer his name, then where he is from.  You might even thank him for the drink.  And, this goes beyond the pale of most go go dancers these days, but you might even PRETEND YOU HAVE SOME INTEREST IN TALKING WITH HIM.  She listened intently and smiled and continued watching the girls dance.  But then I thought: isn't this what bars have mama-sans for?  Why do I have to teach these girls how to milk customers for drinks?

 

I made the long journey underground from Sukhumvit/Cowboy station to Radjadaphisek Road.  No, this time it was not in search of the perfect massage.  I had a load of floppy disks I wanted to put on a DVD.  If you don't know what a floppy disk is just ask your grandfather, OK?  Anyway, I suspected I had some things on the floppies that had never been transferred into my computer and of course nobody is making computers with slots for floppy disks anymore.

 

So I went to Fortune IT where the other day it took me close to an hour of hitting shop after shop before I found the one that can do it.  And they speak good English and were very nice.  The fellow even said if he had to he could probably even transfer the older, larger floppies onto a DVD.  (Ask your great-granddad about those.)  So should you or yours have such a need, just head out to Fortune IT and go to the third floor.  It is called Pro Corner.  You can also e-mail the guy: kenkom@hotmail.com.

 

Rumor-Control Headquarters has it that a farang was beaten to death by the Iranian bar owner's security staff, in this case Midnite bar.  That he was beaten inside and again at the bottom of the soi.  I could not confirm that and one bar owner at the end of the soi knew nothing about it.  Which is strange because a friend knew a girl who knew a girl who knew a girl who saw the guy collapse right outside that particular bar.  Girls said he was about 30 and handsome, etc.  I did see one of the Iranian's thugs sitting outside Midnite with a bandage of his face, whatever that means.  Finally I checked with the manager of another bar who said it is all exaggerated.  That the guy had left Dollhouse bar and tried to get into Midnite without a shirt on and they turned him away and he went back and got a shirt on and went back to Midnite and before things got too out of hand the guardians of Dollhouse and another bar went to rescue him as they knew the guy.  So much for the Great Midnite Murder Caper.

 

Regardless, as every Bangkok columnist has been repeating over and over do NOT patronize any of the six bars owned by the Iranian unless you like padded bills and problems.  And, no, I do not discriminate against individual Muslims, so I don't care where the owner is from or what his ethnic background is -  I have friends who were overcharged in those bars repeatedly and who have girlfriends who left the employ of those bars because of it.  Another friend saw a guy being manhandled just because he went in to look inside one of the bars but turned to leave.  So you have been warned.

 

Having said that, if you still insist on letting the eye candy lure you inside here is some breaking news:

the coyotes at Kiss are starting to barfine with customers.  Apparently under pressure from management to do so at Deja Vu as well. Who knows?  Common sense may yet prevail.

 

Thanksgiving: Texas Lone Star Saloon & Moonshine Pub.  Free food and friendly ladies: can't ask for more than that.

 

 

 

 

The More Things Change, The More They Don't

 

 

"...Moreover the wanderer too often finds on re-visiting his native shores, that the friends of his earlier days are either removed by the hand of death - or that time and circumstances have so changed them, that for him they might as well not be.  This destroys much of the charm of home - added to the fact of having in the course of his foreign career contracted new intimacies strengthened by business, habit or necessity.  In addition to this, an Eastern clime has probably engendered habits of indolence, indulgence and exercise of authority which he finds entirely out of harmony with English pursuits and ideas.  Our cold and cloudy climate proves too chilly for his enervated frame.  He has probably been accustomed to the excitement and mental occupation of business, and after a few months, finds holiday-making very irksome after the engrossing and profitable pursuits of commercial competition, and dollar-hunting.  In short, a lengthened residence in the East thoroughly unfits a man physically and morally for an English home." - Eyewitness to Hong Kong, written in 1857

 

 

"It seemed to me that by a long journey to some far distant country I might renew myself...I journeyed to the Far East.  I went looking for adventure and romance, and so I found them...but I found also something I had never expected.  I found a new self..."

 

"He was fed up with London.  He hated it.  He was going to get out and this time he'd get out for good.... When they got to Suez and he felt the first touch of the East he knew he had done the right thing.  Europe was finished.  The East was the only place."  W. Somerset Maugham, The Gentleman in the Parlour 1923

 

 

By the old Moulmein Pagoda, lookin' eastward to the sea,
There's a Burma girl a-settin', and I know she thinks o' me;
For the wind is in the palm-trees, and the temple-bells they say:
"Come you back, you British soldier; come you back to Mandalay!" - Rudyard Kipling
( 1865-1936)

 

 

"You go away for a long time and return a different person - you never come all the way back." 
 
Paul Theroux
 (Dark Star Safari: Overland from Cairo to Capetown)

 

I like these quotes especially the first written in 1857 Hong Kong because the feeling expressed way back then is so similar to the way it is now.  As when I go back to the States to look up old friends and they are so much into their own corner of their world and town and usually talk a lot about TV shows or possibly politics.  But, somehow, the gap has widened into a chasm.  No matter how well I knew them years or decades before, if they have lived in the States since I knew them, we have so little in common now.  Khun Nana has written about this very well in his column: about how when he goes back to the States and calls his buddy to come out for a beer he learns that the buddy's wife doesn't approve of him going out without her - or at all.  As Thomas Wolfe said, "You can't go home again."

 

 

 

 

(published in Nation) Letter to the Editor

Dear Sir,  I think the United States should offer Russia a spy swap: America will give them Viktor Bout in exchange for Anna Chapman. 

Dean Barrett

 

 

 

 

 

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OH, NO, HERE WE GO AGAIN

 

Dear Customer,

Following our previous notes of Frontpage server extensions availability on our servers, we would like to inform you that on 01.01.2011, Frontpage extensions will be removed completely from all our servers in the US datacenter.

FrontPage server extensions were discontinued by Microsoft back in 2006, and they are extremely outdated. There is no vendor support for them for a long time, which makes them incompatible with most modern software (for example, Apache 2.x).

It seems that you have FrontPage extensions enabled for the 'www' subdomain on your account.

IMPORTANT: You need to take immediate actions to stop using the FrontPage server extensions on our servers.

Note that the server extensions are needed ONLY for dynamic components of FrontPage. Even without the extensions, you can still create your site with FrontPage and publish it over FTP (instead of HTTP). Etc., etc., etc.

 

 

I had thought when I went through that last time, it was all OK now.  It is not certain if this site will be affected or not but I am taking a wait and see attitude.  So if you do not see this column on January 1, it means there is a FrontPage problem or else I am hung over or both. 

 

 

My friend Harold Stephens who has written close to 35 books on Asia has met Paul Theroux a few times and mentioned that Paul said he is taking a teaching job as no one is reading books anymore.  I hope this isn't really happening; because if Paul Theroux needs to take a job what hope is there for the rest of us? 

 

 

 

By the way, getting Asia Books/Bookazine (now one company) to stock up enough copies of Permanent Damage is like pulling teeth.  Some of their stores have it, many do not.  Many people have told me they cannot find it so I can say for sure that as of now there are copies at Asia Books Siam Paragon, Kinokuniya Siam Paragon, Kinokuniya Emporium and P&S bookstore within the Four Seasons Hotel.  Any bookstore can order it and have it for you within one or two days, same with any of my titles.

 

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 Beijing - Nine Nights, Ten Days

 

 

Chinese girls dressed Manchu-style in Beihai Park

 

 

Museums, parks, temples, waitresses and, of course, a Hooters' girl

 

 

 

Police van with studded sides to smash bad guys off the road, bookstore on Wangfujing shopping area

 

 

Beijing University gate;A Homeless woman; inside the beautiful new Beijing library building, temple roof

 

 

Scenes of Beijing; Forbidden City; and the famous Wangfujing shopping street

 

 

Tian An Men Square swarming with police and soldiers; a Hooters girl at Halloween

 

 

Police SWAT vehicle; Forbidden City & the Altar of Heaven and Wangfujing

 

 

Confucius Temple; a famous bookstore; lots of modern shopping centers

 

 

Confucius temple: A famous hutong or lane of Beijing & students inside a hutong cafe

 

 

Project 798: Formerly a factory area, now a famous area for artists, sculptors, etc.

 

 

Signs along a lane depicting traditional Chinese occupations

 

OK, so with reflection, singing the Taiwan national anthem in mandarin to the Hooters girls in Beijing may not have been my smartest move.  But, hey, if people are going to ply me with frozen margaritas I'm not responsible for my actions.  Anyway, they enjoyed hearing it.  They had never heard it before.  That of course is the point.  No one in mainland China has heard it because there is probably a 20-year jail sentence for singing it.  After all, China considers Taiwan a renegade province and Taiwan considers itself an independent nation with a national anthem.  But nobody turned me in and Hooters was fun; as most places are after a few frozen margaritas.

 

It had been eight or nine years since I had visited Beijing and I decided the time had come to go again.  I needed to do some research and once I realized that Beijing now has its very own Hooters I decided I definitely needed to get up there.

 

At Beijing Airport I gave the taxi driver an address in Mandarin without mentioning a hotel name so he would think I was a local.  Eventually we began to have a conversation except in addition to having the diminuitive "r" suffix at the end of just about every word, it was as if he had marbles in his mouth: "rrrrrrrrr".  (No motorcycle taxis in Beijing but there are a few weird contraptions here and there - middle picture, fourth row down.)  Anyway, the hotel, the Kapok, was an excellent choice as it is located about ten minutes to the Forbidden City and in the other direction ten minutes to the  Wangfujing shopping area.  To be right up front about it, despite its many attractions, Beijing is a huge city, it gets cold as hell as I was about to find out, traffic is bad, pollution is a disaster and, as the capital, it has police and military and guards all over the place.  I am sure I could find a pleasant area to live in this city but, given the choice, I would most likely choose to live in Shanghai.

 

Of the classic signs of a Chinese beauty I found only one, i.e., "hair as black as a raven's wing."  But, if my understanding of the exchange rate is correct, to have that lovely fine hair as black as a raven's wing draped across my pillow would be far more than I can afford, esp. as not enough of you have been buying my books (you know who you are).  But as one door closes another opens.  In the Metro Beijing paper the headline is:

 

"CAMPUS CONCUBINES SHOW VICTORY OF MONEY OVER MORALS.  "It is not uncommon to see a long line of luxury cars or limos in front of universities famous for having pretty girls.  And on weekends, it is normal to see dressed-up girls being escorted into waiting cars, their laughter cut off with the slam of a door..."

I think you will agree that this is disgusting and unprofessional.  I don't mean old men snagging young girls, I mean the fact that the idiot who wrote the article did not specify which Beijing universities and there are a lot of them so I
had to go out and try to save one or two of these poor babies from living a decadent, rich, affluent existence when they could be with me in my Bangkok apartment ironing my shirts.
 

The biggest area of art galleries, sculptures, student paintings, books, etc. in Beijing and in all of China is a place called 798 in NW Beijing.  it used to be all factories.  The rent has been raised in recent years and some of the original artists have moved out, farther north, but it is still an interesting place to visit as you can see from the pictures above.  I spent a few hours wandering about there and got some great videos from the "Insight bookshop":
 
Wild Strawberries
Belle De Jour
Project 798 New Art in New China
Crumb (the "sick") cartoonist
Forbidden Games
M
The Sensation of Sight
The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie
The Horse's Mouth
L'Age D'or
 
Some I never saw; others I haven't seen in decades.

No need to give tourists details of Beijing.  You can find lots on various websites.  But some of the places most visited by tourists were still packed in early October including the Forbidden City, Altar of Heaven, Prince Gung Palace, etc.  Possibly because the Nobel Prize had just been awarded to a jailed dissident, the area around Tian An Men was swarming with military, police, CCTV and no doubt undercover types.  It was a rainy and very cold day and I almost felt sorry for the soldiers and police having to stand outside at attention. 

I was amazed at how sudden the weather changed.  During the first four and a half days it was cool and pleasant.  I woke up the fifth day and it was cold as hell and stayed that way.  Needless to say, I was totally unprepared for the cold weather.  As the unwary tourist wanders through parks, etc., he or she is often approached by students starting a conversation and exchanging information and lo and behold he (or she) is an artist and his or her class is right there in the park with an exhibition of paintings and would you like to look (and buy).  So one becomes a bit wary.

What's that?  What about the women?  Well, you won't believe this, I know, but the truth is I was getting hit on so often I sometimes tried to walk back to my hotel by a different route to avoid them.  You see, much of the Wangfujing shopping area is pedestrian-only.  So as you walk in the wide but lively street, a Chinese woman will invariably approach you and say something like, "Hi, do you speak English?  Where are you from?"  It got so bad I finally started telling them in mandarin "Thank you for your kind thoughts but I live in Beijing."  That generally did it.  They understood that I wasn't a tourist; I wouldn't be taking them back to my hotel; I wouldn't be paying them money to do the nasty.

I swear to God one of them actually approached me with the line in English: "Hi, would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?"  Amazing.  Chinese women in Beijing using lines on me that I may have used on American women in my youth.  These women were not beautiful, not ugly, not young, not old - you know the type.  And, again, as I live in Thailand I see no need or rather feel no urge to spend money on less than perfection.  No doubt, there are massage parlor operations which have beautiful women and one woman wanted to take me to one, apparently near Wangfujing but, well, it was late and it had turned cold as a bitch, and you know how it is.  Once, going back to the hotel by a parallel route to Wangfujing to avoid women, I got approached by two younger cute ones all hot to trot.  Admittedly, that was when I came the closest to giving in to temptation but I had spent the day walking about the city and I was cold and tired and getting a cold and wanted the warmth of my bed in the suite the hotel had upgraded me to.

Foreigners bemoan the razing of the old-style streets and alleys known as hutungs.  And indeed it is a shame but there are still a lot there, some in pretty much original state and some jazzed up for the locals with coffee houses, etc. I would advise visiting both types.  You can start walking after your visit to the Drum tower and nearby Bell tower.  You can even pay quite a bit to have pedaled tuk tuks take you about.  And be sure to visit the Confucius Temple and Academy and take your time to enjoy the long, shaded lane they are on.  After a visit to some of these temples, etc., you begin to feel the long history this city has had. 

I had been to see the Great Wall (He who has not been to the Great Wall cannot be considered a great man, as the Chinese say) so this time I had time to visit less touristy places such as the police museum and chat with the guards while discussing the various tortures depicted from the Ch'ing Dynasty.  (Everyone else was outside on a beautiful sunny day and I was inside a dark building with Chinese guards having a great time animatedly discussing how to say "shackles" and "five-string finger torture" in mandarin.  What's wrong with me?)

I had read that Sartre's Theatre of the Absurd play No Exit was playing at the Theater of the Central Academy of Drama in Dongcheng district and I asked a Chinese fellow in a small coffee house to call and find out if it was in English or Chinese.  He and his girlfriend called and spoke for a long time and finally hung up and turned to me and said the people putting it on don't know what language it will be in.  Now THERE is absurdity.  But I decided to walk to the play which was way across town and I wanted to see the city up close anyway.  Hours later I ended up at the wrong theater which is very close to it and then ran to it only to be given a free ticket and to learn it was in mandarin.  But by then I was much too tired to go in and strain my ears and comprehension to try to follow a Theatre of the Absurd play in mandarin so I simply walked the hutungs instead which was a lot of fun, especially as one of the revamped ones had lots of local young Chinese couples in coffee houses, shops, etc. 

Not far from Hooters I did see a store marked Sex Shop and certainly some of the young Chinese women in shopping malls were dressed punk style and just about any style you could think of.  I had wanted to get to the north of the city and talk with the students and others coming in from other cities to make their fortune (most of whom eventually give up trying to get a decent job and go back home) but time ran out.  By the way, don't actually eat at Hooters, the food was mediocre at best.  Try the 1 Free Cafe Latte on the corner, then go upstairs to Hooters to have some drinking fun.  Yep, traveling in China can be fun.  Just prepare for the unexpected. 

 

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Random Thoughts from a Strange Studio

 

 

 

Up until about the mid-1980's or a bit later, I avidly read every novel or book of short stories written on Thailand I could find.  Well written or not, I felt I could always learn something and sometimes even poorly written novels can have a few interesting qualities.  But at some point I found they were coming out so fast there was no way I could keep up with them.  And now these days every guy from the West who got laid in Thailand is sure he has a novel in him and that there will be a big audience for it.  He may even pay someone to print it for him.  Whatever, with the Thai fiction bookstands full of novels, I find that unless I hear it from a source I respect I pretty much stick to the tried-and-true novelists I know who know Thailand well (assuming even the Thais know Thailand well - let alone farangs).  Because there is some very good writing being done on Thailand as well as some writing by folks who might want to find another occupation.  Either because they don't know enough about Thailand or because they can't write. 

 

But as I know there is some fine writing being done, I am always careful never to generalize on those writing Thai fiction.  Because if you use a broad brush and, for example, condemn them all, that would indicate that A. you have read them all or B. you are a genius or C. you are are an embittered wannabe novelist who can't cut the mustard.  Well, we have a genius among us and his name is Andrew Biggs.  As I doubt any human being could possibly have read even the majority of novels on Thailand, and as he's busy pushing his language classes, he must therefore fit into category B. or C.  Probably both.  Here is what he has to say:

 

How I love it when fiction writers decide to set books in Thailand! But that's because I do love kitsch. Reading their tomes is a little like walking into a cheese shop. Normally lucid writers inexplicably froth at the mouth as they write stories about Patpong prostitutes, Western detectives or mysterious ancient inscriptions that lead to gold bullion - in Kanchanaburi's Li-jia Cave, perhaps?

In book shops I usually cast a cursory, cursed glance at the ``Novels About Thailand'' section, which should by law require a neon sign flashing above it saying ``DANGEROUS TO YOUR BRAIN: EVEN `TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE' IS BETTER THAN THIS LOT!''

In this section you will find titles like Skytrain To Murder and Patpong Secrets. ``Another Detective Ryan Kilmore thriller!'' says one, as if Ryan's up there rubbing shoulders with Hercule Poirot and Sherlock Holmes. Inside are characters as flimsy as cardboard, such as Noi the bargirl who makes languid, cryptic comments like ``you butterfly same same no good'', causing Detective Ryan to embark on a treacherous journey overland from Bangkok through the malaria-infested jungles of the North as he risks dysentery to decrypt Noi's verbal code...

 

Now in case you don't know who Andrew Biggs is he is the court jester to Thailand.  He speaks fluent Thai and has a bald head and protruding ears, a combination which Thais find hilarious.  A kind of chrome-dome comedian pandering to the easily amused.  And he has carefully perfected his image as much as he has perfected his language skills and he milks it for all it is worth.  Does he ever!  He mentions Skytrain to Murder but never quotes from it so it is not even clear if he has read it.  Maybe he just finds the title as funny as the Thais find his bald head and his clumsy efforts to ingratiate himself with them.  (Tip: Regardless of how fluent one is in Thai, down deep Thais have very little respect for farangs doing the bow-and-scrape.) 

 

He also writes for the Establishment Paper - the Bangkok Post - on Sundays and I have noticed his painful efforts to be funny in writing as well.  Unfortunately, he falls flat as he hasn't developed the skills of a humorist and, yes, it is painful to read.  Playing to a Thai audience from the stage and writing humor for a largely farang audience are two very different things.

 

I do have enormous admiration for anyone who can learn the language as well as he has but I remember I knew a fellow at East West Center in Hawaii who spoke five languages and he was a complete idiot.  (But at least he could be a complete idiot in five languages.) But I have learned over the years that language skill does not necessarily a bright boy maketh.  It takes breathtaking arrogance and mind-boggling hubris to condemn all writers writing fiction on Thailand (or anywhere else) but Andrew Biggs must know because, well, he must be a genius.  Like religious fanatics, this expert on all things Thai doesn't need to read books to know they are bad. 

 

I could name at least six writers who have had wonderful reviews in the West (and locally) and who have had at least one novel optioned for film in L.A. or in England or both.  And who know Thailand well.  Very well.  And who know how to write.  And, of course, having first arrived in Thailand in 1966, and seen Thailand then and now; and having seen Thailand over the years through the eyes of a soldier, Chinese linguist, traveler, English teacher, writer, editor, publisher, reprobate, I like to think I might actually have a few insights worth reading.  And having been a New York City Mystery Writers of America board member and Dramatist Guild member, that I might know a bit about writing. 

 

But, no.  Andrew Biggs - the puffed-up popinjay - has condemned us all to the fires of hell worse than those specified in the hate-filled Koran.  No exceptions.  Perhaps the law should require a neon sign flashing above this bloviating buffoon's head at all times: QUIET!  GENIUS AT WORK!

 

Over the decades I have run into people like Biggs.  They were farangs who lived in Thailand or had lived in Thailand for years and when it came to understanding Thailand they were invariably full of themselves.  I am sorry to say it was often Peace Core Workers or ex-Peace Core Workers, but, of course, not always.  It wasn't enough that they wanted you to know that they could speak excellent Thai; they also wanted you to know that they knew the food, culture, music, politics, etc., etc.  Like Andrew Biggs their ego was enormous.  Gargantuan.  And that is the danger.  This baldheaded blowhard has such a huge ego that at some point I fear it will explode.  Very much like a suicide bomber setting off his explosives to join with the 72 virgins.  And then the poor Thai cleanup workers in special protective gear will have to spend days scraping up his ego from the ground and surrounding buildings and sweep up what is left of innocent bystanders incinerated by Ego.  And, as with Chernobyl, the area will have to be evacuated for some time.  So don't get too close.

http://www.ClubElectricBlue.com

Latest Progress on the House Being Built across from the Farang to Keep him Awake

 

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Father, I Have Sinned

by James Aaron Parmelee

"...the defining 21st century novel about Thailand, Thailand English teachers, and the triumph by an American teacher (with a lot of help from his friends) over a Vatican-ignored evil so grave that it almost conquered the world!"

http://www.james-parmelee.com/

A novel set in Thailand about the plight of an English teacher fighting pedophilia.  Now there's a twist.  And, just to show miracles do happen, the author not only has a signing but a signing in - wait for it - the Texas Lone Star Saloon.  Saturday, December 18th, 1 p.m. to 5 p.m.  Lone Star ladies in attendance, of course. 

 

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Relationships are Transactional

Ever heard a fellow-farang accuse Thai women of being materialistic?  Gold Diggers?  Grasping?  I myself have been heard to remark that if you're in a (sexual) relationship in Thailand and you don't think business (i.e., Baht) is involved, then you need to:  a)  radically increase your intake of coffee or b) adjust your psychotropic meds downwards or (preferably) c) both, because you definitely need to wake up and smell the roses.

One charming aspect of Thai women's approach to the materiality problem is that they (and the society as a whole) are pretty open about it.  There's an entire genre of country songs written with the theme of "I know I'm not rich enough for you, beautiful girl, and I know some rich dude from Bangkok is going to get you instead". And if you ask any Thai girl she will tell you that she intends to marry a man of "means" who can support her. One hears blessedly little blather about "When we get hungry, we'll live on love".
 
American women, on the other hand, will rarely, if ever, admit that material well-being is part of their calculus in choosing a mate.  But allow me to tell you a little story.  Many, many years ago I owned a Thai restaurant in Scottsdale, an upscale suburb of Phoenix, Arizona.  After we had been there a couple of years, two young guys rented the space next door and opened a bar that was pretty close to an exact replica of the bar in the  "Cheers" TV series.  They were unbelievably successful owing to their very insightful marketing strategy. These two guys had "investors", mostly 40-ish stock brokers and real estate developers who drove very fancy cars-- Maserati's, Ferrari's, Porsche's, etc.  They had their investors park their very nice cars in front of the bar every afternoon and then sat back to wait for all the young, charming things who worked in the local banks, department stores, doctors' offices, and so on, to discover this new, promising "fishing hole".  They found it quickly enough and soon thereafter all the local boys, who only wished they drove cars like those listed above, followed the sweet young things and the bar was off and running. For years thereafter,  people stood in 110 degree heat for an hour or two just to be admitted to this little piece of heaven.  
 
So, as between women who would pretend deep offense at having their preference for rich men over poor men pointed out to them, I actually prefer Thai women, who are pretty straightforward about the matter.  At the end of the day, relationships are transactional.  If everyone concerned isn't winning, and unless there's duress to keep the relationship going, it's going to end. - Contributed by Mike York.  Mike first arrived in Thailand as a Thai linguist in 1965.

 

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Loy Loy Krathong

 

 

 

 

Soi Cowboy is a lot of fun but there are more and more vendors and more and more small kids begging.  Even rabbits are for sale now.  I just hope it doesn't turn into the night market disaster that Patpong has become.  I usually make it to Benjasiri Park or somewhere for Loy Krathong to put my krathong in the water.  I was so busy on Soi Cowboy this year trying desperately to steer Entertainment Providers onto the straight and narrow path that I never made it to any body of water.  Only bodies...

 

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Khun Nana's Corner

Khun Nana is a savvy local expat who keeps in shape by hitting most of the bars of Nana Plaza as often as possible.  From his vast experience, he will enlighten and entertain us with his recollections of the bar scene be they humorous, tragic or somewhere in between.

 

When one lives in another country which has a completely different culture and set of values, it is important to understand not only these cultural differences, but also to see clearly the perceptions that the locals have about one’s own culture.  Luckily (or unluckily)  for those of us living in Paradise, the vast majority of Thais see foreigners in virtually the same light; in other words there really are only two sets of people in the world to Thais, foreigners and Thais.  Trying to explain to locals the difference between Australia and Europe, or Sweden and France would just fall on deaf ears.  Quite often I hear things such as “Austria and Australia same same right?”  Yeah, sure they are the same.  And Ireland and Iceland are the same too!  Thais are quite xenophobic and view the world as being split into Thailand and everywhere else.  With this in mind, I would like to explain the 3 things that 99% of Thais think all foreigners have in common.  You savvy readers can use this information to your advantage in any dealings with Thais, in business or in romance, or you can just use it for a good laugh: 

1)  All foreigners are rich:

 

I suppose you can clearly see that this has both positive and negative ramifications.  On one hand we are considered very rich and therefore good prospects for being selected as husbands, wives or business partners.  On the other hand though, this also makes us targets for everyone from gold digging bar-girls to the normal vendor on the street. So one must act with caution along with learning the proper prices for local items or services as to not be used or mistreated.  My main goal upon meeting a new babe is to determine whether or not she views me as a person or as an ATM machine.  I have developed my own technique to discover this for myself.

It is very amusing that Thais can’t tell the difference between a foreign English teacher who makes 30,000 baht a month and a V.P of a major international company who may make 40 or 50 times that much.   They really don’t have a clue.  Often they will try to ascertain this information by using tried and true Asian techniques such as how expensive is your apartment, watch or automobile.  Of course many western guys on a small salary feel the need to have expensive belongings and many very rich foreigners are quite frugal and live within their means.  I never tire of watching Thai gals stumble over these apparent contradictions.

On a side note, another cultural area where Thais and most Asians are completely opposite from many westerners is in bragging about how much things cost.  My richest friends in the USA will brag about how they purchased a $1500 Armani suit for $500 at a local factory outlet, while the majority of Thais like to brag about spending 4,000 baht on a meal that wasn’t even worth a fourth of that price.  I will never understand feeling proud about spending many times more than what something is worth and I cannot offer any reasonable explanation for where this bizarre behavior originated from.

 

2)  We are smart in the ways of the world:

Before the financial meltdown of 2008 I probably would have agreed with Thais that in general westerners understand business, money, investments and the more complex mechanisms involved in economics and financial matters much better than Thais do.  However, in the past 2 years I have had to reconsider all of my previous ideas on this subject and I could easily argue that Americans especially are clueless on these matters.  Regardless of the realities involved, Thais think that in general we are clever in these pursuits.

 

3)  We have low morals and suspect character: 

Much of this comes from the fact that a high percentage of westerners seen in public places are on holiday and therefore partying like drunken sailors on shore leave.  Heck I don’t blame the guys for being drunk at 11 AM or bringing their hooker from last night to eat at a local place, but I must admit that if most of the Asians in my home country acted this way then I would think they are mostly scumbags too.  The Thais are also much to blame for this as many of the tourist areas in the top 3 or 4 tourist destinations are nothing much more than open air brothels.   

As a local guy I have tried to find a middle path when it comes to my behavior in this foreign land.  I break cultural norms into things that I can do something about and things that are completely out of my control.  I can control whether or not I erupt every time something doesn’t go my way.  I can control whether or not I put my hands all over a gal in Siam Paragon shopping center.  I can control what kinds of clothes I wear and how I act in public, so I try my best to dress smartly, keep my cool at all times and I never touch women outside of a bar or my bedroom.   

On the other hand, I can’t help how old I am, the fact that I am a foreigner, what color my skin is or many other aspects of my person so I don’t worry about how people will react to me regarding these things. 

Ironically, in my opinion the main reason Thais think we have low morals is the fact that we are not Thai.  Remember earlier in this rant when I said they view the world as Thailand and everywhere else?  Keep that mantra in mind and it will help explain a lot of what goes on in Paradise. 

Until next time.  Khun Nana

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Jon & Patty's Engagement Party at the Londoner Pub

 

 

 

T-Shirts specially made for the occasion:

 

 

 

 

A few shots of the revelry (before it got out of hand):

 

 

 

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Unemployed students in Czech Republic start nude cleaning service

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2010/11/03/2010-11-03_unemployed_students_in_czech_republic_start_nude_cleaning_service.html

 

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You probably know this already but if you don't: Google has been following your every move and recording it.  However, you can go into www.google.com/dashboard and clear all of your history.  If you don't have an account it takes less than a minute to register.  Then clear it.  So nobody will ever know you actually visited websites you should be ashamed of, especially this one.

 

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Another in the Great-Line-from-an-Entertainment-Provider Series

 

A lovely lady outside a bar was telling a friend of mine that a young, handsome, school teacher has been chatting her up a great deal but won't barfine her.  "She asked me my opinion, and I told her that it's because he's young and handsome he wants it for free, adding that English teachers don't have any money.  Her reply was 'then he'd better start saving up if he wants it.'  I loved it."   

 barbar fetish club bangkok

 

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Jesus endorsement

 

FILM TITLE SHOULD HAVE BEEN: EAT PRAY LOVE BARF

 

DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL?  HOW ABOUT: DON'T CARE!

 

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The Bangkok Post is running a column by a Muslim fanatic every other Sunday and now the Nation has run a "special to the Nation" article by the extreme leftist Nick Ferriman he of the Palestine Solidarity Campaign Thailand.  People with extreme agendas often don't realize they reveal themselves far more than they reveal what it is they are writing about.  In this case, we have the convoluted, tortuous Marxist logic of the extreme left politically.  He writes, "When the North Koreans threatened in 1951 to unite their peninsula under an ideology that would socialize profits, the response was swift and brutal..."  Get it?  It wasn't that the North Koreans attacked the South and attempted to crush any form of democracy and unite Korea under a brutal dictatorship.  Nope, it was just...well, it was just the ever-friendly North Koreans attempting to unite "their" peninsula; and those damn Americans and South Koreans objected - only due to their need to protect their moribund, decadent, imperialist systems.  How pathetic can the local press get?  Muslim fanatics and puerile leftists... This fool better hope my former Korean girlfriend doesn't get hold of him.

 

 

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Coming next column:

 

THE MAN THEY CALLED EIGHT BALL

A BALLAD WITH DRAWINGS

 

 

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And, hey, Have Great Holidays!!

 

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Click on Mistress Jeab to be taken to BarBar's new website

 

She knows who's been naughty or nice

 

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Letters from Readers

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Hi Dean,

 

Don't know if you're familiar with Abe Books -- they mostly deal in used, rare or out-of-print books. I noticed that their 'Weird Book Room' includes "The Go Go Dancer Who Stole My Viagra" (along with such classics as "Why Do I Vomit" and "How to Make Your Own Sex Toys".)  

(Just keep scrolling down.)  Hey, who knows? This could get you some well-deserved international recognition! 

Best regards,

Mike Lipinski

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Dear Dean, I have read many of your books and have been to my future home (Thailand) numerous times.  I was in BKK last month after finishing a job in Baghdad.  I hope your book is made into a movie soon.  In less than three years I can retire and I plan on moving to Bangkok permanently ( I just hope the Baht is at a better exchange rate). 

For the last five years I have been working as security contractor.  So far I have worked in Afghanistan, Kuwait and Iraq.  I especially enjoy your honest take on Islam.  I have seen the truth about the Middle East and Islam firsthand.   

Once again thank you for all the great information and laughs you have given me through your website, newsletter and books.  Have you ever flown Thai Airways to the US. I took Thai Air Flight TG 794 to Los Angeles and it was like being in Heaven with beautiful Thai Flight Attendants, a seat almost as big as business class, and great and wine.  All this for only $1100 dollars.   

Take care, keep doing what you are doing, have a large Singha with Yellow Curry Fried Rice (my favorite new Thai food).  Y.S.


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Ref: Are there any Asian linguists out there? I have a question. In Thai, one
way to say "so so" is Ngnu ngnu pla pla, snake, snake, fish, fish, as in I speak
Thai only so so. In Chinese, one way to say "so so" is ma ma hu hu, horse,
horse, tiger, tiger, as in I speak Chinese only so so. I was wondering if other
Asian languages also use animals and reptiles, etc., for this expression.
Anybody speak Cambodian, Vietnamese, etc?

Dear Dean,

In Vietnamese the first "tam" of "tam tam" (so so) most often means silkworm.

(The two "tam"s have different tones. The first "tam" has a low tone (with this
mark over it: "\", the second "tam" a low tone (shown with a dot (".") under the
word) with a glotteral constriction in northern Vietnamese, in southern
Vietnamese a low tone changing pitch (no glotteral constriction) - starting low,
going lower, then going higher (but still low). )

To be honest, I've never seen that "tam tam" used. But it's in both the
English-Vietnamese and Vietnamese-English dictionaries.

Actually I'd say the Vietnamese, me too, use this much more often for "so so"
and you hear it constantly: "binh thuong thoi". It means "just your usual only."

Me: "You make good stuff."

Vietnamese person: "Binh thuong thoi." (Nothing special - just your usual only.)

Best,

Lewis
 

 

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Hanoi

 

Dear Dean,  This is a spin-off on our addressing Asian language peculiarities, the “so-so” - but this isn’t about the “so-so”.

 

Wife (Thanh Loan) and I are watching the 7pm local news last night, we’re watching an interview of a Vietnamese guy standing in the midst of the floods in the Central, and she says:

 

“I can’t understand anything he’s saying. He sounds like a duck quacking.”

 

I respond, “What’s he speaking?

 

She responds, “DaNang” (Vietnam’s 3rd largest city).

 

Me: “You mean you can’t understand him?”

 

Her: “I can only understand 10%.”

 

Me: “Yeah, a Westerner from Thailand was noting that Thai sounds pleasant, while the Vietnamese sound like ducks quacking.”

 

Her: “We don’t sound like ducks quacking up here (Hanoi).”

 

Me: “Yes, northern Vietnamese is more crisply pronounced.”  

 

(In the north central of Vietnam – Nghe An Province, Hue, DaNang – they’ll convert non-low Vietnamese tones to low tones, and the Vietnamese find it terrible understanding them, with the Hue dialect particularly being difficult for other Vietnamese to understand.)

 

I hosted a guy from Quy Nhon (south central Vietnam), have taken him to Hanoi’s train station to see him off, and a Hanoi guy is overhearing us talk, and he then was saying to me in Vietnamese, “What the hell was that guy speaking – Hue!?”

 

“He’s from Quy Nhon,” I responded.

 

(You’ll never see a southerner in Hanoi. As soon as they open their mouths, a Northerner picks up on it and perceives, “What a hick” and with northerners being so rude, they’ll even tell them so. “Que” (you country bumpkin).  Sterling Holt
 

 

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Links You Might Enjoy

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy.  Click here and then click "preview videos."

http://www.pbar.info/videos.html

 

Like to check out some bars in Thailand?  Try

http://www.bangkokbarfun.com.

Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try http://www.bangkokgigguide.com.

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try this great site:

http://www.bangkokjungle.com.

 

Tired of shoveling snow?  Check out Bangkok's sunshine.

 

Bangkok's weather report.

 

 

 

A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.

 

www.monsoon-country.org

 

 

 

A bit of black leather never hurts.  But she does.

 

Our Lady in Black

 

 

 

Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?

 

http://www.retiredexpat.com

 

 

 

Maps of all the provinces of Thailand

 

http://www.thailand-guide.org/maps/index.htm

 

 

 

Listen to RadioBangkok.net

 

mms://wma.radiobangkok.net/bangkok32?MSWMExt=.asf

 

 

 

Helping Kids in Thailand

 

Helping Thai Kids

 

 

 

A fine independent Pattaya Bookstore:

 

www.canterburytalescafe.com

 

 

Links You Might Not Enjoy

Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.

http://www.fredoneverything.net

 

Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.

Taliban Singles Dating Page

 

Very satirical writing and videos.

http://www.thenoseonyourface.com

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Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –

Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed

Got feedback to this column?  Got information on Thailand you would like to share?  Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise?  Been ripped off?  Just write me.

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CONTEST

Enter and win a prize! This contest's first prize is worth 4,000 baht in food and drink vouchers.  The first to give the correct answer wins the vouchers; second wins the sexy shirt; third wins Explore Your Hidden Self voucher at BarBar Fetish Club.  Fourth wins the Nada Diddly-Squat Special.

     First prize:        Vouchers for food and drink from bars, pubs and restaurants in Bangkok

     Second prize:       Nifty shirt with the "I Support Single Moms" slogan

     Third prize:        Nada Diddly-Squat Special 4 U, U number ten!

 

Last column's Contest:

 

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1.  Who are the Three Friends of the Cold Season and why are they called that? 

 

2.  What foreigner has been portrayed in a painting attempting to get the French ambassador to raise the letter so the king of Thailand could reach it?

 

3.  What would be your best witty comment on this picture? 

 

Answers: The pine, plum and bamboo because (this part of the question some did not answer) they brave the winter cold, remaining green or else flower.  Constantine Phaulkon (Falcon) is seen gesturing to the French ambassador to raise the letter.



Winner first prize: 

 

I'd be lion if I did not say your ass was wonderful



Winner second prize:

 

TIGER, tiger, burning bright  
In the forests of the night
Let me set your sweet ass alight

 

 

Winner Nada Diddley-Squat Award:

 

Dean's passion for the Panthera tigris, a member of the Felidae family, stopped him in his tracks.

 

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This Column's New Contest:  Be first to win!

 

Just tell me where the three pix below were taken and answer the question.  Hint: the third one is near a famous person's house.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The novel Skytrain to Murder most likely involves:

 

A tuk tuk

 

A samlor

 

A songtaew

 

A skytrain

 

Starting this month's column: First Prize for contests: the vouchers to restaurants and bars;

Second Prize: The I SUPPORT SINGLE MOMS shirt;

Third Prize: Free one-time entrance into BarBar Fetish Club on Patpong II.  Not only do you pay nothing to enter, you also get a free drink.  And you pay membership (reduced) prices for anything or anyone of interest to you for that evening.

 

 

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That's all for this monthly column.  Drop by again.  Explore the rest of the website.  Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!" 

And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet.  And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.

 


 

Dean Barrett can be flamed at: deanbarr@loxinfo.co.th

 

 

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"At least one thing seems certain: against people who are ready to die in the cause of destroying freedom, people who are not willing to speak up for freedom for fear of being called a racist or an Islamophobe don't stand much chance of victory."

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More News on the "Religion of Peace"

 

The "Religion of Peace" continues to visit Southern Thailand

 

Just some of the recent atrocities committed by Muslims in Thailand

 

 

 

2010.10.30 Thailand Yala  Muslim extremists shoot a 78-year-old man to death.

 

2010.10.30 Thailand Pattani  A 48-year-old man is shot and killed by Islamic militants.

 

2010.11.01 Thailand Pattani  Muslim terrorists shoot and kill a policeman.

 

2010.11.02 Thailand Pattani  A Buddhist man is murdered by militant Muslims.

 

2010.11.08 Thailand Yala  A 38-year-old villager is shot to death by Muslim militants while grazing his cattle.

 

2010.11.09 Thailand Pattani  A Buddhist man is murdered by Muslim gunmen.

 

2010.11.09 Thailand Pattani  A 17-year-old boy is ambushed and killed by Mujahideen.

 

2010.11.09 Thailand Narathiwat  A woman is gunned down by Islamic insurgents.

 

2010.11.12 Thailand Yala  An 18-year-old school volunteer is kidnapped and brutally slain by suspected Muslim separatists.

 

2010.11.13 Thailand Narathiwat  A 49-year-old man is shot to death by militant Muslims on his way to work.

 

2010.11.14 Thailand Yala  Mujahid shoot a man to death in his own living room.

 

 

And Many More badly Wounded

 

 

(Isn't it interesting how silent the Bangkok Post is about all this.  Yet they have lots of space to run stories and photos on pandas and a boring, predictable column written by a Muslim fanatic every other Sunday.)

 

 

 

 

 

Over 4,400 Thais including monks and teachers and children have been murdered by Muslims in Southern Thailand and

over 45 Thais have been beheaded including Buddhist monks

 

 

Beheaded Thai soldiers

.........................................

 

 

 

 

"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction." (Blaise Pascal, mathematician, 1670)

 

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What is interesting about articles on the mosque to be in Manhattan near the 9/11 site is that they never once mention the original name given to the mosque by Muslims who wanted to build it.  It was called the Cordoba Project.  So called because when Muslims began the invasion and conquest of Spain they built their first mosque at Cordoba.  Mosques are and always have been a sign of triumph over infidels.  Since the 7th century they have been used to plan battles and store weapons.  They are definitely not the same as a church or Buddhist temple.  When they realized some of us infidels knew what it meant they changed the name.  I do not want this mosque built there as many Muslims also have said the same thing as basically "why fan the flames?"  But I see no legal way to stop it.
 
Far more worrying to me is what Muslims in America are doing to take away our rights such as freedom of expression, etc., and the wimp response of Americans.  New York publishers cancelled books on Islam because as they admitted they fear for their staff.  A play in Cincinnati was not put on because of Muslim objections so it was moved and put on in Manhattan.  Muslim groups are suing anyone who speaks out against Islam including radio hosts.  It is the stealth Jihad going on in America which is the frightening thing.  They now have the numbers so that Muslim Associations on university campuses heckle and threaten speakers who are pro-Israel and many times campus guards have to protect the speakers and at times police have been needed as well.  People are afraid to invite anti-Muslim speakers now.  They can burn our flag and the Bible but we cannot burn their hate-filled Koran (in which we are called monkeys and apes).  And they are doing their best to change the curriculum of our school systems to whitewash Islam. 
 
The Muslim who did the right thing and testified against the cowardly bastard who killed 13 Americans at Ft. Hood says now that his entire Muslim community (in America) has cut him dead.  He did the horrible thing of helping infidels against a Muslim.  Never mind that he was a murderer.   There is not one Muslim country in the world which gives equal rights to its minorities; but when they are in a minority, they demand not just equal but extra rights above everyone else.  Ironically, it is the illegal immigrants from Mexico who are standing up to these arrogant bastards in factories saying no they will not let Muslims tell them when to close for Muslim holidays, etc. 
 
I fought against Muslim fanatics on the streets of New York in 1989 when they wanted to kill Salmon Rushdie for something he wrote.  I woke up to the very real danger of what happens when these screaming, hate-filled assholes have the numbers to cause problems.  When Muslims want to kill writers I take that very personally - as should everyone.
 
Whether or not they build the mosque is not such an emotional issue with me.  Bleeding heart liberal denials of the fact that Islam is a clear and present danger to a democracy is what puzzles and astonishes me.  Believe me, the more you learn about Islam the more you will come to realize it is not a "religion of peace."  And as real moderate Muslims point out, the more Western liberals deny that there are problems within Islam itself, the more those liberals pull the rug out from the truly moderate Muslims.  And, yes, it is a cliché, but I am a firm believer in the adage that all it takes for evil to triumph is for enough good men to do nothing.

http://www.stopshariahnow.org/

 

THE RELIGION OF PEACE (in the real world)

 

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YET ANOTHER GREAT PAT CONDELL VIDEO

On Religion

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ovg0eYjM64w

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WHAT DO THESE WOMEN HAVE IN COMMON?

MUSLIM MEN KILLED THEM IN "HONOR KILLINGS"

 

Killed by Muslim fathers, brothers, etc., for trying to live as a human being

 

Chicago campaign on taxis to stop the Islamization of America & the killing of Muslim women by their family members.  The campaign is now in danger of being discontinued.

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This woman had a nose once; until Muslim men decided she wasn't Muslim enough.  Women want go to school?  Talk to a non-relative?  Muslim men have ways to stop that.  Acid, for one.  Click on the photographs.

91 percent of honor killings worldwide are done by Muslims

84 percent of honor killings in US done by Muslims

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                                                                                 Happening Now in America:

Islamic foot-washing basins in airports; Shariah finance being introduced by American banks; college campuses designating Islamic prayer rooms for Muslims only; Islamic compounds practicing Shariah law springing up across America; public schools using tax dollars to indoctrinate American students into Islam; demands by Muslim parents that their children be provided private prayer rooms in their public schools; Muslim workers demanding special workplace accommodations no other religious person would ask for; creative people being threatened as with South Park; publishers self-censoring out of fear of Muslim anger and hate; plays self-censored out of fear of Muslim backlash; Muslim Associations on college campuses interrupting speakers they don't like; Muslim taxi drivers refusing to allow guide dogs for the blind in their taxis; high school texts whitewashing Islam; Muslim organizations suing anyone who dares criticize Islam.  And the list goes on.  And on.  And on.

http://www.watson37.com/-Misunderstanders--Roster.html
 

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"How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog...No stronger retrograde force exists in the world (than Islam)." Winston Churchill

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Mohammad Playing with his Six-year-old Bride to Be

The so-called Prophet Muhammad Married a six-year-old named Aisha and had Sex with the girl by the time she was nine (if not before).  Mohammad ordered the death of two poets who mocked him as well as killed many others.  The Koran is full of hate for non-believers which it equates with "evil-doers."  Islam is not a religion: it is a fanatical brotherhood and hate-filled ideology.  The West continues to ignore the fact that Islam is a clear and present danger to anyone who believes in free speech, an independent judiciary, free press, etc., etc.  Self-censorship is now being practiced in Europe and America to appease Muslims.  The more Muslims a country lets in, the more problems it will have.

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Raping boys is called "MAN-LOVING DAY"

Is She or isn't he?

"Sexual abuse of boys in the Islamic religious schools known as madrasas is not uncommon, and neither is the rape of boys in Afghanistan, especially on Thursday, known as “man-loving day,” because Friday prayers are thought to absolve a sinner of all his guilt."

http://www.glapn.org/sodomylaws/world/afghanistan/afnews009.htm

 

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"All it takes for evil to triumph is for enough good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke

Ibn Warraq:

The cartoons in the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten raise the most important question of our times: freedom of expression. Are we in the west going to cave into pressure from societies with a medieval mindset, or are we going to defend our most precious freedom -- freedom of expression, a freedom for which thousands of people sacrificed their lives? A democracy cannot survive long without freedom of expression, the freedom to argue, to dissent, even to insult and offend...Unless, we show some solidarity, unashamed, noisy, public solidarity with the Danish cartoonists, then the forces that are trying to impose on the Free West a totalitarian ideology will have won; the Islamization of Europe will have begun in earnest.

 

http://www.albawaba.com/en/news/248538

 

"I studied the Quran a great deal. I came away from that study with the conviction that there have been few religions in the world as deadly to men as that of Muhammad...it is the principal cause of the decadence so visible today in the Muslim world and, though less absurd than the polytheism of old, its social and political tendencies are more to be feared, and I regard it as a form of decadence rather than a form of progress in relation to paganism itself." Alexis de Tocqueville

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Muslim extremists brandishing banners calling British soldiers 'Butchers'

 

  • "The sword of Muhammad and the Quran are the most fatal enemies of civilization, liberty, and the truth which the world has yet known." - The eminent orientalist Sir William Muir (1819-1905)

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    Iran 23

    "All religions take care to silence or to execute those who question them...It has, however, been some time since Judaism and Christianity resorted openly to torture and censorship. Not only did Islam begin by condemning all doubters to eternal fire, but it still claims the right to do so in almost all of its dominions, and still preaches that these same dominions can and must be extended by war." - Christopher Hitchens, God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything

     

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    'If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence. If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no more Israel.' - Benjamin Netanyahu

     

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    The Bodies of Two Dead Gays in Iran

     

    (killed by adherents of "the religion of peace")

     

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    There is not one Muslim country in the world which gives equal rights to non-Muslims but when Muslims enter other countries they demand more than equal rights!  Write your congressman and tell him to stop kowtowing to Muslims.

    “No other religion in Europe is so demanding, and no other migration group depends so much on the social welfare state and is so much connected to criminality.”

     

     

    “Religion is an insult to human dignity.  With or without it, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things.  But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.”        --        by Nobel Laureate physicist Steven Weinberg. 

     

     

    "Mohammad poisoned the sources of human felicity at the fountain, by degrading the condition of the female sex...and he declared undistinguishing and exterminating war, as a part of his religion, against all the rest of mankind. The essence of his doctrine was violence and lust: to exalt the brutal over the spiritual part of human nature" - John Quincy Adams

     

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    FROM THE KORAN:
    —The unbelievers are your inveterate enemy. (4:101)
    —Mohammed is God’s apostle. Those who follow him are ruthless to the unbelievers but merciful to one another. (48:29).
    —It is unlawful for a believer to kill another believer, accidents excepted. (4:92)
    —Believers, take neither the Jews nor the Christians for your friends. (5:51)
    —Make war on them until idolatry shall cease and God’s religion shall reign supreme. (8:40)
    —Fight against them until idolatry is no more and God’s religion reigns supreme. (2:193)
    —The true believers fight for the cause of God, but the infidels fight for the devil.  (4:76)
    —We will put terror into the hearts of the unbelievers. (3:151)
    —I shall cast terror into the hearts of the infidels. Strike off their heads, strike off the very tips of their fingers. (8:12)


    FROM THE SAYINGS OF MUHAMMAD:
    —Muhammad said to the Jews: “If you embrace Islam, you will be safe. You should know that the earth belongs to Allah and His Apostle, and I want to expel you from this land. “
    — Allah’s Apostle said, “You (i.e. Muslims) will fight with the Jews till some of them will hide behind stones. The stones will (betray them) saying, ‘O ‘Abdullah (i.e. slave of Allah)! There is a Jew hiding behind me; so kill him.‘ “
    —Mohammed said, “I have been ordered to fight with the people till they say, “None has the right to be worshipped but Allah, and whoever says, “ None has the right to be worshipped but Allah , his life and property will be saved by me.“ (otherwise it will not). Vol. 4:196
    —Mohammed said, “Whoever changes his Islamic religion, kill him.“ Vol. 9:57
    —Mohammed said, “ No Muslim should be killed for killing a Kafir” (infidel). Vol. 9:50
    —Muhammad said: “Fight in the name of Allah and in the way of Allah. Fight against those who disbelieve in Allah. Make a holy war, … “. (Sahih Muslim 4294)

     

     

     

     

     

    Some books that tell it like it is!

     

    Now on trial in Holland for "insulting Islam"

     

     

    The Islamization of Europe

    Muslims are rapidly destroying freedom in Europe and have even brought about self-censorship and real censorship in the United States.  But there is one city in Holland where a new reality can be seen with the naked eye, more than anywhere else. Here, entire neighborhoods look as if they have been lifted from the Middle East, here stand the largest mosques in Europe, here parts of sharia law are applied in the courts and theaters, here many of the women go around veiled, here the mayor is a Muslim, the son of an imam.  This city is Rotterdam, Holland's second largest city by population, and the largest port in Europe by cargo volume.  Europeans, especially politicians, will not lift a finger to fight against Islamofascism.  And future generations will pay the price. 

    The hate-filled Quran (Koran) consistently uses offending remarks whenever it mentions non-Muslims. It describes non-Muslims as animals (Q.7: 179, Q.25: 44, Q.47: 12). Then it describes the Jews as donkeys Q. 62:5 then as apes and pigs (Q.2: 65, Q. 5:60, Q. 7:166). To be described as an animal is a bad insult in Arabic culture, but pigs, apes and donkeys are particularly bad.  "Religion of Peace," my ass. 

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    More people are killed by Islamists each year than in all 350 years of the Spanish Inquisition combined. (source)
     

    EXCUSES OVER THE YEARS THAT POLITICALLY CORRECT PEOPLE HAVE MADE FOR MUSLIMS KILLING NON-MUSLIMS IN AMERICA & ELSEWHERE

    For the latest roundup of Muslim atrocities around the world click here:

    http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/

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    Please note, I do not and never would advocate violence against individual Muslims in any community.  For one thing, the guy you beat up with a baseball bat may turn out to have just escaped from some horrible Islamic regime.  Individual violence against Muslims or doing damage to mosques, etc., is just stupid and is also counterproductive as Muslim fanatics will show pictures of that all over the Muslim world to incite people against the West. 

    A good case can be made that Islam is a fanatical brotherhood masquerading as a religion, and, indeed, the adherents of Islam often act that way.   But, as individuals, a Muslim neighbor might possibly be more honest than a Christian neighbor.  It is only that the Muslim will have been brought up in a religion/brotherhood with a medieval mindset that is centuries behind the times and has a penchant for violence, especially against those who criticize the Koran and other aspects of Islam.   Winning the war against Muslim fanatics will take a long time and be hard-fought but, assuming people wake up to the clear and present danger of Islam, it can and will be won.  But we must demand that more and more moderate Muslims join the fight against fanatical Muslims.   We must demand that our leaders absolutely reject any "compromise" on our right to free expression.  Compromising with the fanatics pulls the rug out from the Muslim moderates desperately trying to reform and secularize Islam.  And we must never bow to Muslim demands to curb our hard-won freedom of expression.   And freedom of expression always includes satire and even insulting satire including satire of glorified tribal myths called religion.

    " U.S. Air Force - Travel Agents To Allah"

     


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    "Barrett has a gift for taking us into cultures worlds apart from our own, displaying a reverence for their exotic and grotesque as well as their beauty and history....”

    - The Poisoned Pen Book Review

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    “The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion.  It should transcend a personal god and avoid dogmas and theology.  Covering both the natural and the spiritual, it should be based on a religious sense arising from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual and a meaningful unity.  Buddhism answers this description.  If there is any religion that would cope with modern scientific needs, it would be Buddhism.” - Albert Einstein