Thailand Nightlife Roundup

 

Welcome to my website.  Unlike the universe, this website has a purpose: to offer rants, tirades, opinions and discussion about books on Thailand, give an overview of nightlife in Thailand and, yes, to provide a few news items which might not appear elsewhere.  And to have some fun.

Bar, club and restaurant owners who would like to send material on their special events, birthday bashes, anniversary parties, etc., are welcome to do so but please remember men in Thailand are a bit jaded so if you’re just going to offer the usual free gourmet food and free full band entertainment and free beautiful and eager-to-please women, well, the lads have been there, done that. So do try to offer potential patrons something special. ;-)

There is a contest every two weeks when this column appears and the first to answer the question correctly or identify a photograph correctly will receive vouchers worth at least 3,000 baht in food and drink, i.e., 500 baht each, from Larry's Dive, Shadow Bar, The Old Dutch, Electric Blue, The Duke of Wellington pub, and Bourbon Street Cafe. The prizes will build up in case anyone doesn't win it immediately so the bonanza for the eventual winner could get quite interesting.  It will double to 6,000 and, if still no winner, to 9,000, etc.  Second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt.  And please remember a part of all money received from the sale of my books goes to needy Thais (in the form of payment to go go dancers, waitresses and hostesses).

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Warning: If you are pregnant or breast-feeding or undergoing GRS (gender reassignment surgery),

consult a health professional before reading this column. 

 

And so we've had another night
Of poetry and poses,
And each man knows he'll be alone
When the sacred ginmill closes.

Dave Van Ronk

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Coming soon from a club near you!  Click on picture.  More next column.  Lots more!

The real news around at the moment is the late night closings.
 
The Tunnel - late night hang out - usually opened at around 11pm - when forced to shut at 1am closed down.  Spice Club - the other late night hang out - don't know if it's usual - but a friend went there and again it shut down at 1 am.
 
Tried to visit The Magic Table the other day after reports of attractive ladies dancing on a mirrored table whilst 'going commando'. Went at three minutes after midnight and found the place dark and a very disgruntled owner, saying that this was happening often.
 
There has been a big advertising industry convention in Pattaya, and a lot of trendy ad types flying in from around the world. Of course they cannot survive a minute without alcohol.  So there was rather the strange sight of a bunch of very trendy ad execs who had just been kicked out of Q-Bar, desperate for a late night drink, who had been ushered by a taxi driver to Penny Black Hotel on the end of Cowboy.  Well... let's just say that the atmosphere is not entirely the same. Drunken eighteen year-old bargirls were gyrating on the pool tables, while the bar staff were dancing around the room to the strains of 'Ban Ork Ban Ork'. The pool table was being watched by Charlie, whose crushed-looking face is a legacy of his former years as a Thai boxing champion. The waiters were far too busy trying to work out who they were going to get into bed that night to actually serve anyone. (I think the job of a Penny Black waiter must be one of the most sought after positions in Thailand.)  The owner was beating someone on the head with a shoe.
 
So, with names like PJ, Moffy, and Wills, the ad executives mingled around, wondering where were the temples, and charming smiling peasants wearing silk and bearing lotus blossoms, and why no incense? And shouldn't those girls be in bed? Didn't they have school in the morning? Oh dear God, where are we?  It could have been worse. They might have been led to the Grace! 
 
A girl in a Soi Cowboy bar was crying because her expensive bra, bought by a customer, had just disappeared from the changing room. Firstly, she was upset because it was one of the most valuable things she owned in the whole world - (Apart of course from her 3g equipped 50 Megapixel, MP9 40Gb Nokia - with more computing power than was in the first Cray supercomputer.) But perhaps more than that, it had clearly been stolen by one of the girls she thought of as her friends. She said that she felt stupid to have trusted anyone. She commented that all any of the girls care about is money. I tried to calm her, by pointing out that with breasts as small as hers, she didn't really need a bra, but for some reason that didn't help. What did help a little was the reaction of the owner, who dried her tears, gave her a hug, and a five-hundred baht note. And then told her it was time for the show - get on the stage quick.

God, I love Thai women.  I was sitting at the Londoner the other night and two lovely young things walked in and the waitress approached them to find out where they wanted to sit, etc., and while she did I raised my hand and the waitress said, "Yes, Dean?"  I said, "Are they looking for me?"  And while she laughed, one of the girls looked at me and said, "Not now."  Great sense of humor.  Try that in the States.  On second thought, better not.

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Yes, it is true: Despite their near invisibility, Canadians are smart people.  They don't want anymore Muslims but they weren't certain how to keep them out.  Then they got a brainstorm: print money with naked women on the bills thereby preventing Muslim men from touching money, thereby preventing them from doing business in Canada.  Clever these Canadians, wot? 

Click on bills to enlarge

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For some reason I find the saga of Erotica bar in Nana quite fascinating. Anyone following the column will have noticed mention of its various attempts to attract custom. The latest was that they closed down for a few days and redecorated upstairs to be more of a disco/coyote layout.  The problem was that during that few days, the girls got a chance to go out and check out some of the other bars, and realize that they were a damn sight prettier than a lot of girls in other bars, and getting a lot less customers. So almost twenty girls went to other bars, meaning that the newly renovated upstairs of Erotica had no dancers! So less than two months on, the upstairs has been closed until they can go on a raid of the Buriram highschools.
 
One thing to notice: The Thai school year ended recently, so it's summer holiday time. There are a few bars who have found new recruits in the last month, whose hair was suspiciously short. (All Thai high school girls must wear their hair short.) But already a couple of them have got hair extensions put in. There has in fact been a recent flood of girls to go go bars, some of whom I would bet dildos to donuts are under 18, and on school holidays.  I have never before noticed such a seasonal migration.  I asked one of them why she chose to work in a go go bar and she said that previously girls of 16 and 17 could get jobs at 7-11 stores or in factories.  But the new labor laws are clear that they can't work in such places until the turn 18.  However, quite a few of the go go bars, thanks to a certain understanding with the boys in brown, are willing to employ them.  I tried to get confirmation on whether the labor laws have indeed changed, but couldn't get confirmation.  But if it is true, it is an interesting example of how laws sometimes achieve the opposite of what they intended.  It also means customers had better be a bit careful in checking ID before barfining a young maiden.
 
 
Nana Plaza - Mandarin, Angelwitch, Rainbow bars. Are there any other bars worth visiting? There was a recent recommendation of Pretty Lady. And apparently Hollywood had a couple of good shows after eleven. And there were a couple of attractive girls in Spanky's the other night. But am I getting jaded, or did it used to be far more fun doing a bar crawl in Nana? Am I just getting old, or didn't there used to be attractive, sexy, naked girls in ALL the bars. Every now and again, I think I should go and have a beer at one of my old spots - Carnival on the third floor being perhaps the best example - and only three feet inside the door I know I've made a horrible mistake.

http://www.ClubElectricBlue.com

 

 

From the latest issue of After Dark magazine.

 

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JIMI HENDRIX JAM 

TOKYO JOE'S
25/9 SUKHUMVIT SOI 26

Tuesday May 13 9:00 PM
Author Jim Newport Will Read & Sign His New Novel
"CHASING JIMI"
Followed by a Special Jimi Hendrix Blues Jam Featuring
Dr. Blues & Jimmy Fame

 

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Khun Nana's Corner

Khun Nana is a savvy local expat who keeps in shape by hitting most of the bars of Nana Plaza as often as possible.  From his vast experience, he will enlighten and entertain us with his recollections of the bar scene be they humorous, tragic or somewhere in between. 

The annual Thai New Year festival (Songkran) just ended and for many local expats this is outstanding news on two fronts.  First and foremost it marks the unofficial start of low season for tourism, which means we are all getting much more handsome and desirable by the day!  In addition, many don’t enjoy the totally chaotic and uncontrolled water fights that dominate the Songkran period.  I for one really enjoyed the holiday this year and was more than happy to indulge in the water wars for the first two days of the three day period.  It is basically a huge wet t-shirt contest with thousands of hot young Thai gals soaked from head to toe and wearing tight cut off jeans and skimpy tops.  Meandering aimlessly down Soi Nana and Soi Cowboy armed with only a small water pistol, I was accosted by hundreds of young lovelies, many of whom took additional liberties, but I am not about to complain. 

There was one special moment when I bumped into a gal I know from Nana Plaza who was accompanied by four of the sexiest gals I have seen in some time.  She forced my hands behind my back (somewhat puzzling how I was so easily overpowered by a gal half my size??) and the other four proceeded to grab, spray, fondle and assault all those private parts of my anatomy.  Obviously I didn’t enjoy this at all, but it was one of those moments where one must make personal sacrifices in order to show the proper respect to the local customs and traditions. 

A very funny thing happened after that.  It was getting late in the day and the five gals and me were soaking wet, tired and dirty and knowing that my room was within walking distance they asked if they could come to my place to shower and clean up.  I did enjoy imagining the six of us all crammed into my small shower together and all the fun that would ensue, so I agreed to do them this favor.  We began making the ten minute walk back to my place, but when we were around half-way there I suddenly realized that I had slept with another gal the night before and she was still asleep in my room!  I must be getting old (or having WAY too much sex) because this is the third time in less than a year that I have invited a gal or gals to my room and temporarily forgot that I had a gal there already.  I made a hasty excuse about a tardy dental appointment and sped to a hasty retreat.  Anyway, the six of us can shower together anytime.  I must be experiencing the trials and tribulations of old age.  Amazingly, in my forty years of living in the United States, not once did I ever run into this dilemma.

I also enjoyed the company of a dozen or so young English guys who came on holiday specifically to enjoy the Songkran activities.  There was one moment when one of the youngest of these gentleman and me were under total assault by a bevy of beauties.  We were powerless to respond as these gals had water pistols that resembled small cannons.  He looked upon the bizarre scene with awe, and said to me “in England if we had a celebration like this everyone would be fighting after the first five minutes.”  Not to pick on England (which is one of my favorite countries) but my mate’s statement reminded me that there probably is no other place on Earth where thousands of strangers could be assaulting each other with water and ninety-nine percent of the people enjoy and relish in it.  Thailand is so unique.

I call it “pity the unmarried.”  One thing that is prevalent in Thailand and Southeast Asia in general is the way no one can understand why a man over thirty years old doesn’t have a wife and children.  Even more astonishing to the locals is someone such as myself who states that he has absolutely no interest in marriage and children.  No matter where I go or who I am talking to, every Thai acquaintance of mine wants to set me up with one of their friends.  Regardless of how many times I reinforce the notion that I am disinterested in marriage and children, this is just completely ignored as if it has to be a state of temporary insanity.  My closest Thai friend always asks me “what are you waiting for?”  I am not waiting for anything dammit!  I am living exactly the way I wish to live.  It is just incomprehensible to the Thais.  How can I explain that I enjoy the freedom to come and go as I please, as well as the freedom to have as many girlfriends and lovers as I can handle?

Quote of the week goes out to a young man I met at a small beer bar while he was out and about on his first day ever in Paradise.  He was scared to venture into the gogo bars, mainly because of all the negative press back in the west about how dangerous it is and various other lies propagated back in Antisepticville meant to keep the poor huddled masses in control.  I volunteered to take him on a tour of Nana Plaza and upon entering this little slice of heaven for the first time, he stopped dead in his tracks at the first beer bar, stared in absolute awe at the sea of beauties streaming in and out, and screamed out “hooooly crap!!”  That pretty much says it all.

Until next time.  Khun Nana

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"Not only because in post-Hollywood America, as every self-respecting French philosopher knows, the simulacrum has eclipsed the thing itself."  This is from a film review in the NY Times.  I love reading the Times and coming across words I have never used before in my own writing; especially words that might make me appear learned should I dare use them.  And I like to try to use the term in a context more relevant to Thailand.  So here goes: "Despite my buying her many ladies drinks, there was only the simulacrum of hope that the go go dancer would go to bed with me." or "The street of bars, having been forced to close early, was merely a simulacrum of a nightlife area."  Can you do better?

 

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New York in late March was bitter cold so I couldn't avoid eating in tourist places in Times Square because I was waiting for a play to start at 8 p.m.  So I went into a Thank God It's Friday place and had a lousy meal for US$40 of which US$9 went for a draft beer.  At least the plays were excellent.  I saw four: August: Osage County, The Seafarer, Harold Pinter's The Homecoming, and two Theater of the Absurd plays by Edward Albee, The Sandbox and An American Dream.  New York is still the great place for theater.  But at the half price box office, the average play ran at least US$40 or $50 plus tax.  And that is half price!  So now I'm broke; so buy my books.  (Clever ad, what?)  And, yep, I have been told many times that Albee looks quite a bit like me.  But he's 80 years old and I'm not, he's famous and I'm not and, oh, yeah, he's gay and I'm not.

 

Slogan on baby's shirt

 

Some European airlines are experimenting with letting passengers use cell phones in flight.  God protect Asian airlines from such madness.  Twice a year I fly from Bangkok to NY non-stop on Thai Airways, 17 1/2 hours one way.  I do NOT want to hear cell phones ringing and people shouting banalities and into cell phones.  If anything will lead to fights on airplanes it will be people being woken from a much-needed nap by some idiot with a cell phone.  Also, in case you were too busy oogling the gorgeous new influx of girls at Rawhide, five of the six major airlines in America are going to start charging you for checking in a second bag.  One thing I learned long ago - if at all possible, do NOT check in bags.  In addition to getting your bags stolen or broken into or damaged or lost, and in addition to having to wait for them at the carousel while guys like me grab the taxis, now it costs money as well.

 

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I've had some queries about Mojo's, soi 33, particularly regarding the barfine policy.  It's like this: there is no barfine.  The lovely ladies dance and shoot pool until about 1:30 in the morning and then what they do and who they go with is up to them.  But, to repeat, there is no barfine.  Which means if you want to take one home you will have to wait until the early hours and use your charm (hint: Thousand baht bills are said to be very charming indeed).  The dancers make 15,000 baht a month, 50 baht for each drink you kindly buy them, and whatever else they might take in later.  A month ago there were six dancers; the other night there were ten.  Yum, yum.  Go for it!  Remember the girls do not dance on Mondays and they usually start dancing about 10:15 or 10:30 with breaks after that.

 

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The Bangkok Post says it is the newspaper you can trust.  If they mean you can trust them to get down on their knees and kiss Taksin's derriere as they did before, or if they mean they will give space to a Muslim fanatic columnist but not anyone else, or if you mean they will not run any personal stories and photographs on the many victims of Islamic terrorism in southern Thailand, they are probably correct.  But you can also trust them to ignore the many murders of foreigners in Pattaya and elsewhere.  Good thing we've got the Pattaya Mail and Pattaya Today.  In such papers can we learn about, for example, five Buddhist monks being arrested for operating a food scam.  The monks were hired by food and flower vendors to stand in front of their shops at 4 a.m. to receive food and flowers from passersby.  The monks later sold whatever they received to the shops.  I wonder, though, except for late night drunkards stumbling back from Walking Street, who is out at that ungodly hour?  Police fined the monks and warned the vendors and it appears that the monks had been arrested several times before.  No doubt they will be again.

 

And of course what would an issue of a Pattaya paper be without at least one murder of a foreigner?  A Thai man and his girlfriend (26) came up with a neat scheme.  She would go with a Finnish man (65) to his apartment for sex.  But at some point she would leave the apartment door unlocked so her boyfriend could enter and steal while they were doing the nasty.  Alas, the Finnish guy, a disabled man with only one leg, must have heard something and while naked confronted the Thai guy.  The Thai guy stabbed him 30 times while the girl, who is six months pregnant, restrained the Finnish guy's hands.  The Thai had been in prison many times before.  At the re-enactment of the murder, crowds of Thais and tourists surrounded them and called for them to be put to death.  They just might be.

 

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"CNN personality Richard Quest was busted in Central Park early yesterday with some drugs in his pocket, a rope around his neck that was tied to his genitals, and a sex toy in his boot, law-enforcement sources said."  Click here for story.  I've been having conversations with friends about this.  Because there is of course a common thread (or rope - to hang themselves) among people like Bill Clinton (wife and daughter), Elliot Spitzer (wife and three daughters), Richard Quest, Jimmy Swaggert (wife), etc., etc.  The thing is once you are in the public eye, and married as well, you cannot live a normal man's life like the rest of us nobody's do.  We can do what we want precisely because we are nobody.  But when you are high up in the public eye, you cannot do whatever you feel you need to sexually, because if you have half a brain, you know there will sooner or later be consequences.  But these guys want to have their cake and eat it too.  And did you read about the Thai professor (wife and two children) at Thammasat who got BJ's from two of his female students in exchange for good grades?  He called another to make the same deal and she told her parents.  The police headed to his Rangsit office and took him away.  I mean, how long did he think he could do this before being reported?  And if he was in such a desperate need of a BJ I think there are one or two commercial establishments in Bangkok which could have serviced his needs.  And yet he risked all and lost all in an inexplicable decision to go for his students.  And I just read of an Aussie guy (with family) in the legislature in the north or west of that downunder land admitting tearfully that he did in fact sniff the seat of his fellow (female) representative.

 

Are men stupid?  Suicidal?  Why does a horny man in public office or in the public eye initiate and repeat actions that he must know may well catch up with him sooner or later - especially if he has the enemies Clinton and Spitzer had?  These guys always give the sword to their enemies and say "run us through."  And their enemies are happy to oblige.  In my case, being divorced and not being famous, nobody would care if I had done exactly what Richard Quest did; it wouldn't have been reported.  But, come to think of it I do believe that controversy sell books; silence sells nothing.  So if you see me in Lumpini park at 3 in the morning with a rope around my next tied to my genitals, and a sex toy in my boot (no drugs - after all this is Thailand) you'll know it's just a publicity stunt.

“There is a perverse streak in all of us, an urgency to experience the unusual.” - John D. MacDonald, The Long Lavender Look

John D., author of the wonderful Travis McGee series, of course, knew what he was talking about.  I bet he would have loved Demonia and BarBar.  Yes, folks, sad to tell, in case you haven't noticed, after 20 or 30 years with the same sex partner, you may still love that partner dearly but, well, wouldn't it be nice to...    You fill in the blanks.

I do love Theatre of the Absurd.  Because I think it reflects life more accurately than the so-called "normal" theatre.  And, of course, sometimes, as in Thailand weird things happen that make you realize that this country is actually a cross between Theatre of the Absurd and a Roadrunner cartoon.  But even the Middle Kingdom, China, can act that way sometimes.  China just found out that Tibetan flags are made where?  You guessed it in southern China.  And exported to the dissidents.  The makers of the flags (known as the Snow Lion flag) claim they didn't know what it was they were making; they just thought it was a pretty flag.  The mind boggles.  Even my New York Police Department (NYPD) cap is made in China.  I need a whisky.  Quick!

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Business might be slow but these ladies were out late on soi 5 having a roaring old time.  (Or maybe they were trying to find some nightlife in Thailand for women.  Good luck with that.)

“Anyway, to him there’s no better meshing of social and biological functions than paid sex.  It’s always gratifying, leaving him quite pleased with himself and with the world in general.  He is amused by men who proudly proclaim that they have never paid for it.  This remark, so unnecessarily spoken yet spoken out of great necessity to the speaker, indicates to Ben that these guys are either completely superficial, or strongly homosexual and running scared, or…what?  Why must they assert this, and always using the exact same phrase?  Unless of course they’re stating that money is more sacred to them than sex, a position which would truly separate a man from his species.”    -        John O’Brien, Leaving Las Vegas

Be careful whom you marry.  Women can change.  As these before and after pictures of Bridget Bardot dramatically demonstrate.  (Hint: the one at right is the before.)  Click to enlarge.  She is, however, a very bright and brave woman who is now being tried for the fifth time for speaking out against the Muslim invasion of France and the government's continued refusal to deal harshly with Muslim thugs and, among other things, their slaughter of sheep in France.  Baaaaaa!  Go Bridget!

 

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What's Up with Washington Square?

 

The legendary Mekhong Kurt reported in his www.BangkokAtoZ.com column that a letter had been received by a bar owner that the Square would be redeveloped.  Kurt was just reporting what he had been told and this is the year that most leases in the Square need to be renewed or else the folks booted out to make way for some new shopping center or whatever.  I have mentioned this situation over the years. 

 

But I did some investigating on my own and before you panic consider this: Several owners had a meeting recently and sent a registered letter to the land owners and their lawyers informing them that they want a meeting with them and only want to talk to them or their appointed representative.  Furthermore, as of now the Square owners have no plans in place and are apparently sending out the letters to oust the present management so they can collect the rents themselves.  And, by the way, there are four owners of Washington Square, two brothers and two nieces.  And all four of them would have to agree if there was to be anything rebuilt.  And, that, as they say, would be hard to pull off.  So do NOT panic; the Square for quite some time will live on; brawls will continue at the Lone Star as before.  And as I am hard at work on the sequel to Skytrain to Murder, and as my detective lives over a bar in the Square, I am not changing the locale regardless of whether the Square exists as it does now or not.  So there.

 

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She said if I didn't barfine her I would live to regret it because she is from Cambodia and Cambodian women are sorcerers.  Big talk.  What can she do to- Oh shit!  (Click on picture to see a bargirl's revenge.)

 

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“It is only in appearance that time is a river. It is rather a vast landscape and it is the eye of the beholder that moves.” - Thornton Wilder

 

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Unbelievable but True

"Protests from female soldiers have led to the Swedish military removing the penis of a heraldic lion depicted on the Nordic Battlegroup's coat of arms. The armed forces agreed to emasculate the lion after a group of women from the rapid reaction force lodged a complaint to the European Court of Justice, Göteborgs-Posten reports. But although the army was eventually happy to make the changes in the interests of gender equality, the artist who designed the insignia was less than pleased."

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Ket, Cambodia.  Where Sihanouk once had his mansion.  Where French once had their mansions.  A beautiful area not far from Sihanoukville.  Easy living.  Swimming nearby.  Blue skies and delicious, cheap food.  Friendly people.  And then came the Khmer Rouge.  And then came the Vietnamese.  And lots of firefights.  Lots of wounded and dying.  Bullet holes in the walls.  Badly damaged and deserted buildings.  And them came graffiti.  Click on pictures to enlarge.

 

 

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Letters from Readers

 

Hi Dean, 

I see from website you are traveling, enjoy yourself and don't do anything I wouldn't do. 

The reason for this mail is, when I was scrolling down Thailand Night Life Glossary, I came to a group of pictures at the bottom.  One of the pictures the 2nd from the left was a charming lady in long white (virginal) dress, sporting the number in Red A20, that tells a tale.  I have seen this picture before on a very interesting site I read daily called ASIAN SWEETHEARTS.  I tried to find out who she was and where she worked from the lady who owns the site but with no luck.  Perhaps you can help me, I would love to meet her sometime, I think she is absolutely stunning.

Thanks, and keep up the good work.  Hope to buy you a drink when I am in BKK next.  Mike F.

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Mike, the lovely lady works in the Nataree massage parlor out on Rajadapiset Road, Bangkok, Huey Kwang Station on the subway.  I would be surprised if it is the same one from Asian Sweethearts although TIT who knows?  Of course she might have left by now but you can give it your best shot.  Go there and ask Papa-san.  Take the picture with you.  Good luck!  She was indeed a sweetheart.  But if you can't find one I promise you will find another lovely at Nataree.  And another. 

 

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Greetings Deanbarr (if that is your real name):  Nice to see you back.  I hate it when you take a publishing date off as you did the first two weeks of April. Not because I enjoy your column, but because it is always helpful to have your column as a baseline by which to judge other columns.  Every Everest needs a base camp. 

 I know the reason you took time off was probably because of some obligations and responsibilities to family members and . . . wait a minute: let's all grab the reins here.  Do I, Mr. A Fan Whose Identity You Will Never Guess, ever take off time from offering suggestions and reactions to webmasters on the Internet?  The answer is "NO" Mr. Chang Beer Breath and maybe there is a lesson there for you. 

 You can live the life you have been living with it's class and morals and style and emotional richness and family pleasures; or, you can live a life of misery, and privation, and spasmodic crying in the night, and bankrupt morals like me.  I am sure you will make the right choice and we will never have to go through two weeks again without your base camp pap to give us guidance. 

 Now, on another subject: to wit--the column content.  Not to put too fine a point on it the twice a week recitation of beer prices and elephant photos is wearing a little thin for an International playboy like myself.  So, I have some suggestions to 'punch up' the twice a month literary splurge. 

1.  You naked in front of one of the Soi Cowboy elephants with the 20 baht of bamboo tied to your . . .

 2.  You getting caught on Bangkokeyes.com spray painting 'Boges' car and telling him it is 'art' and 'free expression'.

 3. You posing at the entrance to the NEP as a Christian missionary and getting the crap beat out of you by the midget tout and the midget Go Go girl. 

4.  Photographic evidence of the last twenty years of paternity suit court cases that have been filed against you in the Kingdom.

 5.  A five minute video of you in bed with ninety pictures of Fon.  This would be 'P' rated--P for pitiful (send me the pictures and regain your dignity).

 6.  You at the new airport dressed as a Hari Krishna and handing out copies of your books (donations accepted). 

 7.  A photo of you actually in the act of writing.  Presently no photo exists on the Internet.  I'm not saying you really did not write the books with your name on the front cover . . . I'm just sayin'.

 8.  A complete review of health drinks and health drink prices instead of the locations and prices of Black Russians and Pink Laplanders and Green Rastas. Ok, this seemed like a good idea when I first started typing it.  Not so sure now.

 9.  Photos of you washing and waxing the cars of all other website administrators who say nice things about your books.  I think it is time to come clean on this.  Everyone has known this for about ten years.  We love you, we pity you.  Come on big boy--it is photo time.  Make your humiliation part of the cure.  Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

 10.  And finally, a public confession and a public contract between you and me that you will stop calling me at all hours of the day and the night with your personal problems.  I just have not got the time.

 Sincerely yours,  A Fan Whose Identity You Will Never Guess

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Ah, so good to hear from Dana.  I always worry that they might take his writing privileges away.  Dana, lad, I know not what substance you are smoking but I sure wish you would share it.  Or, as we used to say in the late '60's, don't Bogart that joint; pass it over to me; cause you been hangin' on to it; and I sure could use a hit.  I would certainly pose naked with the soi Cowboy elephants but I wouldn't want to put the elephants' manhood to shame.  If you need the number of a good detox center let me know.  True, some website administrators say nice things about my books and some seem to hate the thought of my very existence.  I do notice an interesting phenomenon: the ones who say nice things use their real names; the ones who say nasty things use pseudonyms.  While it is true I was once a proud owner of a Smith & Wesson revolver in New York, and can very rarely be provoked, I regard myself as a peaceful man and firm believer that anyone can have any opinion about me they like.  But I don't use pseudonyms when writing to newspapers or websites, etc., so why do others?  I promise you, khun Dana, I don't bite.  Pass that word on to your fellow inmates, would you?

 

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Well it's been a few days since... what?! Did Dean leave town? Oh, sorry. Well, it's been hell here. There have been no real affairs - just a string of totally meaningless sexual encounters. Since the drugs crackdown, the women have become so fat - some of them are touching 40 kilos! Okay, I admit it's been good since school ended, but the new law says you can't smoke a cigarette in the presence of a minor, and what's the fun in sex when you can't have a cigarette afterwards. Soon Songkran will be upon us, and it's so tedious when the gangs of teenage girls soak you with water. The way their flimsy wet T-shirts cling to their bodies, and show off their figures is really quite disgusting.


TV?  I think they have TV here. I think that's the dusty thing in the corner. One day I must try it. Sorry, I must sign off now. Got to lie by the pool and renew my tan.

See you soon! Paul

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I do appreciate the way my friends tried to cheer me up when I was out of town by sending letters such as the one above.  What are friends for?

 

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Links You Might Enjoy

A video of a five-minute walk down Soi Cowboy.  Click here and then click "preview videos."

http://www.pbar.info/videos.html

 

Like to check out some bars in Thailand?  Try

http://www.bangkokbarfun.com.

Like to know what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try http://www.bangkokgigguide.com.

Like to know more in depth about what music is playing where in Bangkok each week?  Try this great site:

http://www.bangkokjungle.com.

 

Tired of shoveling snow?  Check out Bangkok's sunshine.

 

Bangkok's weather report.

 

 

 

A great site for listening to Thai Morlan music and other folk music of Southeast Asia.

 

www.monsoon-country.org

 

 

 

A bit of black leather never hurts.  But she does.

 

Our Lady in Black

 

 

 

Like to learn a bit about retiring in Asia?

 

http://www.retiredexpat.com

 

 

 

Maps of all the provinces of Thailand

 

http://www.thailand-guide.org/maps/index.htm

 

 

 

Listen to RadioBangkok.net

 

mms://wma.radiobangkok.net/bangkok32?MSWMExt=.asf

 

 

 

 

Contact Direct Line for Travel Insurance in the UK

 

 

 

A fine independent Pattaya Bookstore:

 

www.canterburytalescafe.com

 

 

Links You Might Not Enjoy

T-Shirt Hell: for lovers of very black humor only. 

http://www.tshirthell.com.

 

Politically incorrect rants and raves from Uncle Fred.

http://www.fredoneverything.net

 

Girlfriends looking for Taliban boyfriends.

Taliban Singles Dating Page

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Do you have a product or service you would like to advertise on this website? You can, you know. In fact, you don’t have to have a product or service at all; you can just send me money. Or perhaps you would like me to plug a product or service that you are involved in? Sure, just send me cash. Be sure, however, to mark the outside envelope:

“Birthday money for Dean Barrett –

Absolutely No Bribe Enclosed

Got feedback to this column?  Got information on Thailand you would like to share?  Happy as a dung beetle to be living in Paradise?  Been ripped off?  Just write me.

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So enter and win 3,000 baht in food and drink vouchers, second prize is a "I Support Single Moms" T-shirt, courtesy of Peter, PJ and Jason, third prize the usual Nada diddly-squat. As for last column's contest it was of course the famed Sheba's bar, Soi Cowboy. 

This column's prize is worth 3,000 baht in food and drink vouchers.  As you can see from the picture above, last week's picture was taken in Mojo's and I even forgot to remove the tag.  Give me the funniest caption for the picture at left that you can come up with and you win 3,000 baht in food and drink if yours is the best. This column's lucky winner will also get a date with the girl of his choice in the photo below right:

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That's all for this fortnightly column.  Drop by again.  Explore the rest of the website.  Meanwhile, as the girls used to tell me during the 1960's: "I no lie you, GI, I love you long time; you number one!"  And, remember: nothing says goodbye like a bullet.  And the more people I meet the more bullets I need.

Dean Barrett can be flamed at: deanbarr@loxinfo.co.th

 

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More News on the "Religion of Peace"

 

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The "Religion of Peace" continues to visit Southern Thailand

 

3/27/2008 Thailand Yala - Seven children are among eight people injured when Islamists detonate a bomb attached to a motorcycle.

3/28/2008 Thailand Pattani - A young man is shot to death in his truck by Muslim radicals.

3/30/2008 Thailand Yala - Islamists murder two civilians in separate attacks.

4/3/2008 Thailand Songkhla - An older man is murdered by Muslim gunmen while sitting in his truck.

4/6/2008 Thailand Narathiwat - A civilian is killed by radical Muslim gunmen.

4/9/2008 Thailand Pattani - A man is gunned down by Islamic terrorists while driving home.

 4/16/2008 (Pattani, Thailand) - The manager of a shrimp farm is kidnapped and beheaded by Muslim extremists.

4/17/2008 (Pattani, Thailand) - A villager on his way to work is shot to death by Muslim terrorists.

4/17/2008 (Yala, Thailand) - Islamic radicals kill a local soldier in a bomb attack.

4/19/2008 (Narathiwat, Thailand) - A 45-year-old man is shot and killed by Islamists while riding with his wife on a motorcycle.

4/20/2008 (Narathiwat, Thailand) - Two policemen guarding a polling station are gunned down by Muslim militants.

4/20/2008 (Narathiwat, Thailand) - Islamists detonate a bomb and then open fire on a group of local soldiers, killing one.

4/23/2008 (Pattani, Thailand) - A man is shot to death by Muslim militants while riding home on a motorcycle.

4/24/2008 (Pattani, Thailand) - Five construction workers, including two women, are brutally gunned down by Islamic separatists.

A short 16 minute movie.  Recently released.  Banned on many websites.  Geert Wilder, the man who made the film is under police protection:

http://www.themoviefitna.com/

 

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In Brussels, Belgium, a Catholic Church has been occupied by Muslims who covered up Christian religious symbols.  Of course, the "multicultural" government does nothing.  Mustn't offend Muslims, you know.

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     "In the years since the September 11th terror attacks a growing movement of grassroots organizations has formed to fight against the Jihad. A Jihad which is being fought against the West on many levels. Yet in the years since 9/11 the movement against the Islamic Jihad has lacked cohesion and communication. That is until now. Many have begun to call the many groups that make up the growing movement against Jihad the Resistance. The UAC is proud to host a wonderful resource and networking website that lists the many groups involved in what is now known, and shall forever be known in the future, as the Anti-Jihad Resistance." http://www.AntiJihadResistance.com

"Join one or all of the groups involved in the Resistance. Network, communicate, educate, and spread the word of our efforts. If we are to protect the West, we must all work together."

How Do Muslims treat non-Muslim Minorities?  A Trip to Egypt

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Did you say something about Allah or the Koran that the Saudi authorities don't like?  That's blasphemy!  And, as the picture shows, the Saudis sure know how to deal with those who would like to start a dialogue and see some honest criticism of Islam.

Guantanamo Bay: U.S. guards at Gitmo are under instructions to handle copies of the Koran only when wearing gloves.  The reason for this is that the detainees regard infidels as "unclean."  But it's one thing for the Islamists to think infidels are unclean, quite another for the infidels to agree with them - and, by doing so, to validate their bigotry.  Far from being tortured, the prisoners are being handled literally with kid gloves.  The U.S. military hands each jihadist his complimentary copy of the Koran as delicately as white-gloved butlers bringing His Lordship the Times of London.  It's not just unbecoming to buy into Muslim psychoses; in the end, it's self-defeating.  And our self-defeat is their surest shot at victory. - America Alone by Mark Steyn.

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Pedophilia & Islam: Allowed by Allah; Practiced & Patronized by Prophet Muhammad

by Ayesha Ahmed of Islam Watch

Having sex with underage children is popular in Sharia (Muslim) countries.

ISLAMIC AUTHORITIES PROMOTE IT
 

There is no argument on this point among Islamic authorities whether shia or sunni. They all agree that a Muslim man can have sex with a baby girl.  This is what Imam Khomeini, the top shia authority says:

“A Muslim man can have sexual pleasure with a little girl as young as a baby. But he should not penetrate her vaginally, however he can sodomize her”. (Tehriro vasyleh, fourth edition, Qom, Iran, 1990)


PROPHET LOVED LITTLE GIRLS

The prophet Mohammad had special feelings for cute little baby girls.

BABY AISHA

The prophet fell in love with Baby Aisha when she was shown by Allah to him in his dreams when she still an infant.
 

Bukhari , Volume 7, Book 62, Number 15:
Narrated 'Aisha:
Allah's Apostle said (to me), "You have been shown to me twice in (my) dreams. A man was carrying you in a silken cloth (as an infant) and said to me, 'This is your wife.' I uncovered it; and behold, it was you. I said to myself, 'If this dream is from Allah, He will cause it to come true.'"


COURTSHIP WITH AISHA     Whenever the prophet visited Abu Bakr house he made Aisha sit in his lap and played with her.    When Ayesha reached the age of 6 Prophet decided to ask for her hand in marriage.

Muslim Book 62, Number 18:

Narrated 'Ursa:
The Prophet asked Abu Bakr for 'Aisha's hand in marriage. Abu Bakr said "But I am your brother." The Prophet said, "You are my brother in Allah's religion and His Book, but she (Aisha) is lawful for me to marry."
 

Bukharihari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 37:

Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:
It was said to the Prophet, "Won't you marry the daughter of Hamza?" He said, "She is my foster niece (brother's daughter). "

Prophet: “Allah had shown her to me in my dreams, that was Allah’s indication for me to marry her, I am helpless in this matter”.


ABU BAKR THROWS IN A MONKEY WRENCH:

Abu was concerned about the welfare of her tiny tot sleeping with a horny and hefty old man who was given the libido of 30 men by Allah.

Abu: “I will let you marry her only on one condition, you will have to abstain from having sexual intercourse with the little one before she turns 9.”
 

The prophet was disappointed but he had no choice.

Prophet: “O.K. but I will not abstain from using other halal methods of pleasuring.”


AISHA MADE A BEAUTIFUL BRIDE              PROPHETIC PLEASURING

Thighing

Sahih Dawood Book 1, Number 0270:

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin:
One night the prophet entered upon me and said: Uncover your thighs. I, therefore, uncovered both of my thighs. Then he put his cheek and chest on my thighs.

Fondling

Bukhari,Volume 1, Book 6, Number 299:   Aisha said: "Whenever Allah's Apostle wanted to fondle me, he used to order me to put on an Izar and start fondling."
 

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Islamic school in London behaved as though it wasn’t part of Britain

An employment tribunal has awarded a former teacher at an Islamic school £70,000 for unfair dismissal.  Colin Cook told the tribunal in Watford that pupils at the King Fahad Academy in Acton, West London, were taught from Arabic books that likened Jews and Christians to “monkeys” and “pigs”.  The school is funded by the Saudi Arabian government.

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Saudi women 'kept in childhood'

Saudi women in Hofuf
Women cannot make even simple decisions on children, the report says

Saudi women are being kept in perpetual childhood so male relatives can exercise "guardianship" over them, the Human Rights Watch group has said.   The New York-based group says Saudi women have to obtain permission from male relatives to work, travel, study, marry or even receive health care.

Their access to justice is also severely constrained, it says.  The group says the Saudi establishment sacrifices basic human rights to maintain male control over women.  Saudi Arabia is the only country in the world where women are not allowed to drive.

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Two Pakistani women gang raped by Muslim Men in "honor-revenge" attack

Islamabad - Around a dozen men gang raped two women in Pakistan's eastern province of Punjab to avenge a love marriage, the police said Friday.

'The men abducted the women, one of them pregnant, and raped them in a nearby jungle for two days last month in the Rohallanwali area of Muzaffargarh district,' Mohammed Rafi, a police investigator, told Deutsche Presse-Agentur dpa in a telephone interview.

The gang was allegedly led by a man identified only as Latif, whose daughter had eloped with the nephew of the two rape victim.  'It seems the accused wanted to take revenge for the loss of their honor,' Rafi said.

The police have filed a case against the accused and are waiting for results of medical reports to determine whether the rape took place.  Romantic relations between unmarried couples are generally viewed as an offence in Pakistan, often resulting in humiliation or physical retribution by parents and relatives.  Muzaffargarh is the same district where Mukhtaran Mai suffered a gang rape of the similar nature in 2002.  She was punished for a love affair between her brother and the rapists' female relative.

After the incident she took her case to court where the culprits were charged and sentenced.  She won the 2006 North-South Prize from the Council of Europe in acknowledgement for her courage.

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The cartoons in the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten raise the most important question of our times: freedom of expression. Are we in the west going to cave into pressure from societies with a medieval mindset, or are we going to defend our most precious freedom -- freedom of expression, a freedom for which thousands of people sacrificed their lives? A democracy cannot survive long without freedom of expression, the freedom to argue, to dissent, even to insult and offend...Unless, we show some solidarity, unashamed, noisy, public solidarity with the Danish cartoonists, then the forces that are trying to impose on the Free West a totalitarian ideology will have won; the Islamization of Europe will have begun in earnest. - Ibn Warraq (scholar, author and former Muslim writing under a pseudonym)

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Please note, I do not and never would advocate violence again individual Muslims in any community.  For one thing, the guy you beat up with a baseball bat may turn out to have just escaped from some horrible Islamic regime.  Individual violence against Muslims or doing damage to mosques, etc., is just stupid and is also counterproductive as Muslim fanatics will show pictures of that all over the Muslim world to incite people against the West. 

A good case can be made that Islam is a fanatical brotherhood masquerading as a religion, and, indeed, the adherents of Islam often act that way.   But, as individuals, a Muslim neighbor might possibly be more honest that a Christian neighbor.  It is only that the Muslim will have been brought up in a religion/brotherhood that is centuries behind the times and has a penchant for violence, especially against those who criticize the Koran and other aspects of Islam.   Winning the war against Muslim fanatics will take a long time and be hard-fought but it can and will be won.  But we must demand that more and more moderate Muslims join the fight against fanatical Muslims.   We must demand that our leaders absolutely reject any "compromise" on our right to free expression.  And we must never bow to Muslim demands to curb our hard-won freedom of expression.   And freedom of expression always includes satire and even insulting satire including satire of religion. 

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